the continuation.

[part one was 01.17.07]

[ the continuation. 02.04.07]
(first, a few additions/clarifications. im not ready to get married right now. but when i do, here are some qualifications: ive got to marry a guy who likes salsa chunks. i feel so bad leaving all my chunks all the time, and at present i dont even have roommates to eat them. and: he should walk at a similar speed to me. and have nice ears. we have to laugh a lot, and a few other things, but those are important ones. oh yeah, and when i said i would rather fight than be indifferent, i didnt mean i wanted to fight. more like what anne said: i think i'd like it if he could be wicked, and wouldnt. yes, i am planning on marrying someone whom i love very much. also, the new plan is to get married to someone with the last name of edwards, maybe, and then ill have the same name as julie andrews did when she got married and then when i write a book, everyone will want to buy it because they think that julie andrews wrote it, and everyone should read everything she wrote, because shes amazing. isnt that a good plan? the end again.)

right, so i think i can safely? say that i am in a good place. i own less than i ever have.i dont have a real job. and my job for right now is hard. most of my real-est friends arent here. i havent written a single, solitary thing, rendering my degree useless. i dont know what i want to do. im not getting married. i dont even know whats going on. but its good. there have been ever-so-small, but still present, moments of grace and guidance. and i am learning to trust.
(also, daddy went to mayo clinic, and came back with no diagnosis. but they think that its treatable anyway. geez. and we were so worried about him. thank you all for your prayers. dont stop, just on principle.)

[ the continuation 02.15.07]
i dont understand things.im a little bitter right now, so im sorry about that. this is why:i turned down the first job offer to do something i thought was more important. and then i got put into a place where i might get to do that more important thing. in short, i inherited a sixth grade class. they are really not that great. but i kindof liked them. and i thought i was doing the right thing. now i might not get them anymore. maybe i cant be a foster parent. ive only had them for a week and im illogically depressed about leaving them. there was so much more they need to know! i want them to be successful. and right now, they cant even punctuate sentences properly.and yes, these two things are directly related. and one of them gave me a valentine.[i caught a girl blatently cheating on a test last week and so i wrote her a detention and, after checking with the principle to be sure, gave her a zero percent, with a note as to why. as i handed things back today, she read it and said: "a zero? thats bogus. i did not deserve a zero. thats just dumb." i ask you: what is the world coming to?]
there are other jobs, but i dont know how to get them. they do not teach you this in college.shall i try to teach? make the other place (that i really wanted and was so excited about) want me? is that even possible?someone tell me how to send someone a decent portfolio that makes them want you? please?and: i have a cold.and: because my graysanatomy friends arent here to watch it with me, ive dragged my father into watching it with me. (btw: he started his treatment for whatever type of lymphoma he has today, and its not chemo, which is great. and he wont die from it, and thats great.) i imagine its funny to see us watch it. im all squeal, squeal and hes all calm down, its just tv. but you know hes all into it too.and: meredith gray has the same shoes as me. i will never let my mothers comments about my needing a different pair shoes bother me ever again. because i do have a different pair. i just like these. and i know she does too, deep down. or will, once i tell her that if i keep wearing them, ill lose 28 pounds and get to be on tv.and: i miss my friends. and i suck-a-mug at keeping in touch. and thats sucky.

[the continuation 02.09.07]
i used to think, when i was little that brian busby [who was our local weatherman] was the weatherman for everywhere. and then i saw him somewhere and i got his autograph and i was so excited.i feel like very little of what made me me last year, or last semester even is misplaced. like i said: i havent written-- i cant. my friends arent here. i dont have my coziest little dorm and i cant make brownies anytime i want. heck, i cant even go to walmart after 11 pm 1) because the closest one closes and 2) its so ghettofabulous, that even if it was open, i'd be too scared to go, straight up.the question is: am i still me? i would like to think so. i liked me. i need someone here to help me find me. and an editor.
in the new testament, the jews wanted to change the whole world. Jesus asked just to change them, personally. this is (almost?) harder; no wonder they didnt want him. i understand this. i want to change the world, too; he wants me to change.i want to be someone who knows how to treat people. apparently my age group is a hard age group to talk to: it seems hard for people. we arent little, definately. we arent teenagers either. but i wouldnt call myself a grown-up. im half and half. or 60/40. or something. blessed is the one who knows how to talk to us without being condescending or nervous, or dumb, but rather being honest and funny and caring and even when we say stupid things, which is bound to happen, just loving us anyway. i want to be one of these people.and i want to improve my handwriting and read more. (ive been working on this.) and ive been baking bread, and knitting. you can call me marthastewart, cause thats my middle name. er. something.

[the continuation 01.24.07]
i have not ended up anywhere, yet.

[the continuation 02.12.07]
there should be a study on what our stamps say about us. i think ive finally reached a place in my life where my stamps of choice are the superhero ones. i never read comics or anything, though. what does this mean?

Posted 2/15/2007 11:14 PM -