the most talented jugglers

[ sad, romantic, gross.
what more do you need?
[besides a ham and cheese.] ]

yesterday, i went to a "business"ish dinner. and sometimes these dinners are not so business-y and then they are pretty fun but yesterday i felt like a real adult and i dont know how im going to acutally survive, cause it was soo boring. and they were all in suits and stuff, and i was in blue jeans and sparkly shoes. o well. no one could see my pants when i sat down, i suppose. but by the rule of 14, which is this clever little thing that i found from like 1950 to tell you if you are appropriately dressed [under 7--underdressed. 7-14--approrriately dressed; higher for dressier of course and over 14 points means that you are overdressed. and it tells you all how to count it up and everything] but anyway, if you go by that, i was fine because i had 9 points. so ha.
but anyway, it was so boring, except when my little end of table just talked amongst ourselves. i sat by interesting people, who were talktoable, which i love when you can really talk to people about whatever you want--love, people, God, weirdest stories ever, and whatever eles. [and i love it when they are imperfect, too] and its the thing to do to ensure survival, i guess. i liked that part. and there was good food, that i didnt have to pay for. i also liked that part, muchly.

i was surprised again today about how much things come back to the simplest of things: captain crunch cereal [my second favorite.]. grammar [necessary, good.]. love [people, things.] and stuff like that.

[ every person i get to meet
a country of rivers
and extravagant palaces ]

so ive been thinking that human beings are pretty much amazing when you think about it because we do so much, and we keep track of so much. example: last time i looked [which was a while ago, admittedly, because i just dont care about facebook, really.] i had something like 200ish friends altogether. [and im sure thats on the low end of number of facebook friends for people. i dont even do anything with facebook.] so, maybe i have more friends now, even. this means that i have some sort of relationship with all of them. and i can keep all of that straight in my head: i know who i like better, and who its okay to talk to when im upset, and who likes certain types of movies and what peoples majors and middle names and hometowns are and all of the conversations ive had with that person and everything that comes along with knowing someone. and thats only the people on facebook! theres all the xanga people that ive met and havent met that i have relationships, of sorts with, and then theres all the friends of friends that i know and know of and all the people in real life [with neither xangas or facebooks or anything] that are just regular adults and then my actually good real friends and then doctors and dentists and all of my relatives and grandparents friends, and people that knew me when i was a baby and parents college friends and their children and the kroger boys who work at night that i see frequentlyish, and the people that i interview for newspaper and such, and professors, and classmates and neighbors and just those people that you know for who knows why.
[and then theres all that other stuff in our brains too, like facts and directions and just things that we dont even think about.]
i mean, i might know 1500 people or more! and i have a unique history with each one of them. and i probably dont even know that many people.
and that is amazing unto me.
and if every single person is a bowling pin or something, then we
are the most talented jugglers the circuses will ever hope to see.

i am unsettled, i think. and things still happen, whether im ready for them or not. and some things are just weird.
but hugs are good and so is nose smushing and cookie mush. these are my favoritest things lately, you know.

my professor said today that we must rehearse until it looks like we havent rehearsed at all and its completely spontaneous.
maybe its that way with prayer and writing and trusting and loving too? its hard to say, but maybe.

there is more, but not right now.

currently playing: joseph arthur // honey and the moon

Posted 3/28/2006 8:02 PM -