this is not exactly related, but mostly it is:

i would just like to point out a few rules for naming children / characters / animals / cars / whatever else:
1. it is often [though admittedly not always] in the best interest of everyone to name the thing that you are naming a name which reflects the gender and/or personality of the thing itself. for example, you wouldnt want to name a little girl steven or joshua, and you wouldnt want to name a little boy rose or caroline. it confuses things more than is strictly necessary. [and speaking of avoiding confusion, it may be helpful to stick to a simple spelling of these names rather than finding the most obscure and complex spellings of everything. it would be very sad to not be able to spell your name until 2rd grade because it was too confusing to learn in kindergarten and first grade.]
2. the naming more than one thing, the names of things ought to go together. sometimes i say that the things ought to sound like they could get married. not that they are going to get married, of course, but that they could. for example, the names charlotte and ava sound nice together, as do jack and henry. you wouldnt want to name your 4 chldren courtney, tamequia, william earnest the 4th, and elijah because those names dont go togetherat all. these rules are not absolutes, you understand, but guidelines that may be helpful to save your children etc.etc.etc. pain and suffering later.
i am good at remembering names and i remember people names a lot. last night, i was naming off people from my past [as if important people from a while ago are stuck in a little subfolder labled "the past" and then they become unimportant or something], and remembering things. its very odd, you know, when you catch a glimpse of yourself that almost but doesnt quite look like your everyday self--it certainly causes a moments pause. but it is also very odd to look at things which cause you to become whoever that self is--the everyday one or the other version that you dont quite recognize. last night we were just telling stories about people in elementary school and about how all those people we havent seen since then have influenced us, and made us more self-aware, or more kind, or encouraged us to be smarter, or more critical or better or prettier, or self-conscious, or embarrassed, or friendly, or made us feel like we were actually worth something. ill try to refrain from provoking extreme boredom and re-telling every story that was told, but i was thinking of things from elementary school--K-5th, and probably even before--and i can think of things that were said or done that have specifically shaped the way i approach things even now.

and its funny to think back on my elementary school self and think of the ways that i am different and the ways that i am still very much the same person that i was. i still have many of the same flaws and think the same sorts of things are funny and so on. its weirdweirdweird to try and look objectively on the little version of yourself and wonder about things, and remember what you were thinking when suchandsuch happened and stuff.

and--it makes me wonder about my moments, because if one moment in 5th grade can shape the way i do things even now, then my moments now are affecting the way things will happen then, and thats just strange too. but i dont want to worry about the moments now, i just want to have the moments and let God let them do their work in me--take what comes and trust that it will be good [or at least good for me.]

and i wonder which version of myself was the best one, or if they are all differently the best versions and they will keep getting better as i keep going, which presumably i am going to do. but im not sure because sometimes now, i just suck as a person [we're starting a club, want to join?] and sometimes, i am an **** woman--sexy and all of that. or: maybe there is just one of me who is all of those things--and still trying, and procrastinating and never good enough and gracious and charming and sexy, which i think may be more accurate 1) because noone that i know of thinks im bipolar except for me and 2) because it seems more possible that thats how life is--all of it comes in one big lump and you take waht you can get. regardless, i still need [not much, but what i dont need, i make up for with how much i need, i think] and i still need you. i surprise myself. and i forget which things i am capable of and which things im not. and that it is, in fact, ok to not be good at something. i think i forgot to learn that in 2nd grade. "We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out." [R. Bradbury] yes. its tricky alright. sometimes i feel like im in 2nd grade still. sometimes i dont, but i still think it does me good sometimes to laugh a lot anyway.

[i am still becoming.]

Posted 4/28/2005 5:22 PM