overalls day.

//// The words of the Mass are weighing on my spirit, / the Latin words are heavy with age: Rex tremendae, / Ave verum corpus, Recordare, Kyrie. / Lord have mercy—even now, in this hour. / The music requires much from this body, already weary / with financial worries, family trouble, illness. / Candles, lit around the bedroom, illuminate / the pages of the unfinished score. / A hymn, God, becomes you in Sion—but each hymn / requires much, and I have little to give. / My tears at the strains of Lacrimosa—and I realize / that this Requiem is more for myself than for You / and then I sleep, buried under the weight of the mercy. ////

i think i get this. mozart is a perfectionist.
[i think im a perfectionist too. but not as much as mozart most likely.]
and he cant quite do it. and neither can i.
and nor do i have to be, just yet anyway. except maybe i do.]


i cried a lot yesterday--music and published and perfection and lack thereof and all kinds of things. yes. i said published. not yet, but will be, and this makes me grin-o-so-big. but really--i have got to invest in some waterproof mascara.
[im sleepy, hungry, and arrrggh im a pirate and i gotta write a paper.]
i think this is the proper time to tell the story of my first experience with honeybuns, as in the littledebbiesnackcake variety because someone around me is eating them, but he didnt even bring me one [even though we've spent manymany nights in a row in the same general location and we havent even killed each other yet or anything]. once my father, older male cousin and i were driving home from texas and our car broke and was consequently stranded in the middle of kansas where there is absolutely nothing. and so dad started walking to the nearest farm house and so my cousin and i locked the doors and he went to sleep [i was supposed to wake him up if anything happened] and i read some books and did etch-a-sketch and then i bothered him till he woke up cause i was bored. and then dad came back and we waited and waited and looked at things outside. and then finally this guy we knew who was a construction guy came to rescue us and then we got in this truck and i was scrunched in between daddy and my cousin and i could smell all the construction stuff and it was gross and it was also terribly hot. and i was soooo hungry and thirsty and the men stopped at sonic and got a soft drink, but i dont like soda pop, and so the guy told me to reach under the seat and there i found a very crumpled and old and squished box of honeybuns. and i ate one. and i was as happy as i could be in the circumstances. [just like now?]
and: i wore overalls all day yesterday. even in the part when i was wearing a dress in honor of mozart and latin and things, i still wore a dress that was overallsish, which was happy, but! let me just say that there was still no line of british intellectual men lined up at my door. i had been previously assured that if i wore overalls all day on the tuesday before friday the 13th in may of 2005, than i would get the intellectuals. but no such luck.
and no such luck seems to be my general sort of luck. so hum.

Posted 5/11/2005 4:29 PM