{{ a midsummers nights dream }}

{ or: the makings of me }

as i was pretending to organize yesterday i managed to get all my journals from about sophomore year of college to present in one place, and thats pretty much all the journals i have that are legible. so i was reading through them, of course, and remembering things and i was amused to find the makings of me inside: there are things from highschool, etc. that i am still say, and think and do and stuff. oopfh.
and then i was telling a friend about finding all of these and he accused me of being the type of girl who talks about when i flossed my teeth last and having pages and pages of "he loves me" "mr. and mrs. so and so" and such things. but thats simply not the case [im not saying thats not there at all, but thats certainly not all there is!] and so this is a list to prove that particular friend wrong. these tendencies and phrases and passages have collected in my head in the last 6ish years, and most of its still there actually. im sure that most of it echoes in my head at least once in a while. in short: this is the stuff my dreams are made of, or at least the framework for them, anyway, as well as what ive thought about, and learned and stuff etc.etc.etc.

these things are constants in all nine journals:
name lists: im forever doing this. names from the 1950s. attractive presidents names. possible names for such and
such story. and on and on.
books to read lists--pages and pages, and books ive read--not as many
foreign vocab words--these pages are all sortof short lived: latin, spanish, russian, greek.
word lists--words i like the sound of
scrabble scores
lists of classes taken and to take
bible verses, and sermon notes
other quotes
games of MASH
bits of poetry from others and myself
to-do lists
excerpts from my utmost for his highest, the most often quoted book in my journals, i think
song lyrics
memory lists
parts of IM conversations
essay / story outlines

and these phrases have been rattling arund in my head for ages:
>> in theory, communism is a good idea
> "the only place outside of heaven where you can be free from the dangers and perturbations of love is hell.
> o soul, only he who created thee can satisfy thee. if thou ask for anything else, it is thy misfortune, for he alone who
made thee in his image can satisfy thee."
> "but we who would be born again must wake our sould unnumbered times a day."
> "dont frown cause you never know whos falling in love with your smile"
> J --esus
O --thers
Y --ou
> "allow thyself to complain of nothing, not even the weather."
>> "we are halfhearted creatures fooling around with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like
an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud-pies in a slum because we cannot imagine what is meant by the
offer of a holiday at sea. we are far too easily pleased."
> you cant love someone with whom you never laugh
>> less is more
> i dont know what im doing
> mysterious women of enchanting integrity
> "each revelation of our own weakness is God's call to learn more of him, to find grace, and tap into his power to
recreate, redeem, forgive and mend.
> "marry if you must, but not out of editorial necessity."
> a broken heart is an acceptable offereing to God.
> "there are magnificant things occuring--redemption. and God isnt content to just leave us redeemed. he has another,
much cooler plan in the works--santification. people suck. but God is making them less sucky and more like
himself."
> the magic of books and words
> we must pin all our hopes on the mercy of God and the work of Christ Jesus, and not on our own goodness.
> somthing to offer.
>> what could i do? i had runs in my hose, my hat was out of place and filthy gloves. i just scooted back and sat down on
the curb but i kept my knees together like a lady should!..."
> knock, knock. whos there? banana. banana who? knock knock. whos there? banana. banana who?
> what can i say? sometimes a girl just wants the impossible.
>> the stars are far away she said
> lack of sleep leads to too many resolutions.
> embrace the suckiness
>> "we dont know how to say goodbye"
> every line, every comma should be a station of the cross
> you may feel like a poet, but you sound like an idiot.
>> my life, as far as i know, is to be continued.
>> it does not matter how it hurts as long as it gives God the chance to manifest himself in your mortal flesh.
> mooncreep and spire
> we'll get there
> cut your sunsets
> balance
> mascara
>> everything to God in prayer [first?]
>> i cannot settle me down
> get lost and then get found.

the end. but only until laterish.

Posted 6/21/2005 9:01 PM