Wednesday, April 06, 2005

i fell asleep without setting my alarm last night and i always find that on mornings such as these i wake up better [and very often more on time] than i do with my alarm. i dont understand. and i would do it that way every night if i thought it would work every night. but you just know that one night it wont and that will be like the most important morning in the history of your life.
class was canceled. it was a beautiful day outside. i spent my free hour and a half in the library.
i try to make it a general practice not to look at the dentist when hes cleaning my teeth, or the doctor while they are looking at my throat, or in the mirror while my hair is being cut. tonight i got my hair cut and the lady left for a second to take a phone call and so i looked in the mirror to see how it was coming and she was almost done and it looked awful. and i am not even kidding. i dont know what she did to it, but it looks alright now, i think [and hope a lot]. but i was practically having a heart attack because she was almost done cutting my hair and it looked horrible and i was wondering what i was going to do if it still looked horrible when she was done. it was stressful.
went to one mcdonalds, but their icecream machine was broken. went to the other one, got my hotfudgesundae while i was eating it, i saw a shooting star tonight and it fell for probably a good 30 seconds. it was amazing.
i went then and had a flip out or two about why people dont know how to write a coherent sentence. screens dont sweep and images dont embrace. subject then verb. the end. period.
then i went and heard some funny boys tell stories. thats a good time. i think un-giving up happened. thats good news.
still have a heck of a to-do list. feeling overwhelmed. is there even such a thing as underwhelmed? ive never been it before.
and as awful and weird and gross as things have been this semseter, i wouldnt trade a lot of it for the world. there have been some really lovely and some really fun and some really growing times. umm yes, i would change a few things. but "excuse me, isnt this the way that things turn into something good?"
yeah, i thought so.
the sheets still arent properly on my bed. i hate putting sheets on my bed. im almost out of mascara, and my hair looks darker to me. my muscles are sore all over and i have been taking flinstones vitamins like crazy. but just the pink ones, cause i like those best.
take it all. give it all. thats the deal. balance is available. like the clothespin which i balanced eversocarefully on my speaker cords to twist them so they work so i can hear the music [hmm. ghetto]. clothespins [like so many other things] are surprising. like the pope not being capitalized. my goodness, its the pope. also: things are closer and more easily accessible than i originally thought, at least sometimes, like escalators, and that shooting star, and his forgiveness, and my memories, and your refrigerator.

Posted 4/6/2005 3:16 AM