// get lost. [and then get found ? ] //

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"everybody is just so dangerous, big,
mean and muscular and so what if he
was the greatest fencer in the world,
who'd know to look at him? he looked
like a skinny spanish guy it might be fun
to rob. you couldnt walk around with a
sign saying, 'be careful, this is the greatest
fencer since the wizard of corsica.
do not burgle.'"

this is identifiable with. somehow or other.
and the word burgle made me laugh.
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i guess what i want to know is what makes people work together.
for example, theres a girl at work who i have muchly a lot of things in common with. she likes to read, she goes to church, shes sortof smart--as in she finished highschool and is going to college. i should like her, but i cant stand her, hardly. she drives me crazy.
instead, i like this other girl, whos like 29 and is married and like to drink and party on the weekends, and she might get a divorce, and she never went to college and shes sort of grumpy in general and stuff. but--i like her soo much [shes not grumpy with me, see]. when we work together, we have the funnest time that can be had while working.
and then theres this boy i know [well, im sure theres more than one of them] and i know that we would have been .perfect. together and he was beautiful and perfect, but we just never got the chance to be, you know? and then, theres those boys who should work well with you, but something just isnt right--and you can hardly place your finger on it, its so slight. i mean, theres no real reason that it shouldnt happen, but-- you know. for example, the girl i work [everyone i work with is a girl, so its like a slumber party all the time, but i feel sortof behind cause i just started there, sortof. i have to keep asking which boy is who again and they already all know. and the one boy that does work there is rather obnoxious--hes the stock boy--so they all hate him too. i personally dont mind him that much, but he can be trying when he sets his mind to it.] with was telling me all about this guy she met and how he was sooo great, and they were totally right for each other and stuff and everything, and then in a longish sort of while she was just like...no. it just didnt work.
there is potential [in theory anyway] for me to have a quality relationship [of any sort] with far more people than i currently do. its not because i cant remember all of their names, i could. so then, is it only through circumstance that i dont? or is there more of a personality or values, or looks or something else, or some conflict that goes beyond what would initially seem to be the case. any why cant you even always know that. i mean, sometimes you know right away that you can never be friends with that girl. but sometimes, you dont. and thats confusing.
and i want to know why this happens.
and someone and i were discussing the other day how you can have serious conversations with someone of the same gender, or even multiple people of the same gender, and you can have a serious conversation with someone of the opposite gender [mostly] but the probability of having a serious conversation in more-than-one mixed company significantly decreases. i want to know why about this too.
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everything is so very perplexing in this world.
i cannot settle me down.

[ my flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
ps. 73.26 ]

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and im beginning to feel the need to write everything down, or at least everything that comes into my head in case i need it later. and i used to be pretty good at handwriting--well, in kindergarden and first grade i had the best handwriting, but i was taught block writing--that means no curves in printing--and then i went to a different school and they taught d'nealain, which is all curves in the letters and i wasnt used to it and i did bad. it was so sad. but then i got better and better and then like in ninth grade i had beautiful handwriting again, and all very proper cursive. but then, i think what happened was that teachers all talk so fast usually that in order to ever take notes properly i had to sacrifice beauty for speed. but if im going to write everything down again, i want to be able to read it later. cause sometimes im genius.

one of the things i wrote down yesterday is that redemption is a s l o w process.
and im not even kidding either.

[another thing i wrote yesterday was a grocery list. on tuesday, we had 1.9 gallons of milk. today when i got home from work there was one sip left. and that just wont do at all. im addicted to milk. i lovelovelove it. i probably drank 1.7 gallons of that. but im nothing compared to my cousin. she was telling us that sometimes she would drink a gallon of milk with her lunch. thats hardcore right there. but it does the body good, eh? although it it sometimes worrisome cause once i heard that milk helps you lose weight, and then i heard it makes you gain weight. but i decided to nevermind either one and just drink it anway.]
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"dont expect too much from life, buttercup
told herself as she rode along. learn to live
and be satisfied with what you have."

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currently playing: all things coldplay
and of course, currently reading: the princess bride: a classic tale of true love and high adventure: the "good parts" version

Posted 6/16/2005 2:24 PM -