i know a guy who stabbed his uncle. a murderer, if you will.
[thankfully,?] i dont know him too well, but i have shaken his hand and worked with him on a handful of nights and had conversations with him. he also has gotten fired in the past week, for reasons having nothing to do with murdering anyone, insofar as i know.
also, i know several alcoholics, and a drug addict, gamblers, cleptomaniacs. i know several people who never managed to graduate from highschool, or even get their GED, and girls my age who have three or more kids, are pregnant again and may or may not be married. and these are just the things i know about the people i know about. and i dont know about everyone.
sometimes, this is rather shocking for my little-girl sensibilities. just the fact that i know a guy that stabbed his uncle.! to death! i mean, my gosh. his name is jerome. he has a girlfriend and an apartment and is rather fond of the bling-bling. hes pretty short [5'4'', maybe] and always ready to go home at night--hes not one who would stick around for an extra 5 minutes to wash that last set of plates. he rides a bike all the time. hes a little hard to understand [again, that lack of teeth thing. all these men at work keep trying to set me up either with themselves or with their friends. its practically baptist college material--they are so insanely worried about the fact that im not living with someone. but i just keep telling them that im not going to date anyone without teeth. and you would be surprised at who that rules out. so far its proven to be very effective.] anyway. its hard for me to believe.
ive been so, so thankful for perkins this summer. really, i have. and that sounds funny for me to even say, because i didnt even like perkins one little bit. it was a little less scary there, which sounds funny to say. but there i learned how to control facial expressions and not blush, for the most part. i still blush sometimes, like the other day they were having a discussion about which stripclubs were the best, and i blushed a lot, or so im told, but im really getting so much better. i still dont know what to say, but at least they might not know that.
but its becoming clearer and clearer that there is nothing so--awful and destructive as half-way christianity, and nothing so beautiful as the real kind.
the real kind is hard.
im not sure i have to be strong enough for it though, so thats the good news.
but i still feel like im missing something.
but i dont know what it is.
and i think i learned why it is that it bothers me so much when people think they are better than other people. because the more time i spend with them, the more it surprises me to find how much we have in common, and how much we are alike. this is scary and humbling and relieving. for anyone, then, to think that they are somehow better than someone else 1) is remarkably arrogant and 2) remarkably ignorant.
theres more to why i dont like it, like because all men are created equal, and we all recieve grace on a daily basis, but i cant really figure out how to explain it any better besides that.
------------------------
also:
im not dead. ive been working like crazy!
i think i get to graduate from college! and ninehundred peoples change in schedule will be justified, thank heavens!
i will get my new car next week. i dont know what to name it yet, though. ?
i miss my other car [lewis. [louis? i never spelled it, i just said it, so im not sure which is right.] i cried a little when i said goodbye to it. theres just something about that car that got along with me.
i think im an either all or nothing kind of girl. but if its all, i dont want it all at once, you know? i like to spead things out.
sometimes, i really am surprised how much icecream and hugs can help things. and toast.
i learned to write/translate binary. kindof.
im tired of work. really, really tired of it. but i dont know what i want instead.
the world is a curious place. and i have questions about it. i like finding answers to my questions, and i like people who have answers to my questions.
i never know what i want. and i dont know how to know what i want.
and perfect people are really obnoxious.
i remembered tonight that i need to learn my constellations. and probably how to spell them too. i bought a book about stars by h.a. rey, who wrote curious george and its a happy book, but i havent really learned anything from it yet.
its never what you think.
so much i want to learn and see and do! feels like i wont ever get there. i feel stuck, maybe.
i think of so many things to say everyday, but i forget them. and theres so much to share.
i need to write so much, but i think i will start here, and not fuss at myself [very much.] it will come. hopefully.
and there is more. but not now.
and i want some waffle house so muchly. so, so muchly.
we pass just close enough to touch
i wont sleep if you wont sleep
cause tonight might be the last chance that we're given
guilty pleasure: dashboard confessional // dusk and summer
Posted 8/18/2006 12:25 AM
[thankfully,?] i dont know him too well, but i have shaken his hand and worked with him on a handful of nights and had conversations with him. he also has gotten fired in the past week, for reasons having nothing to do with murdering anyone, insofar as i know.
also, i know several alcoholics, and a drug addict, gamblers, cleptomaniacs. i know several people who never managed to graduate from highschool, or even get their GED, and girls my age who have three or more kids, are pregnant again and may or may not be married. and these are just the things i know about the people i know about. and i dont know about everyone.
sometimes, this is rather shocking for my little-girl sensibilities. just the fact that i know a guy that stabbed his uncle.! to death! i mean, my gosh. his name is jerome. he has a girlfriend and an apartment and is rather fond of the bling-bling. hes pretty short [5'4'', maybe] and always ready to go home at night--hes not one who would stick around for an extra 5 minutes to wash that last set of plates. he rides a bike all the time. hes a little hard to understand [again, that lack of teeth thing. all these men at work keep trying to set me up either with themselves or with their friends. its practically baptist college material--they are so insanely worried about the fact that im not living with someone. but i just keep telling them that im not going to date anyone without teeth. and you would be surprised at who that rules out. so far its proven to be very effective.] anyway. its hard for me to believe.
ive been so, so thankful for perkins this summer. really, i have. and that sounds funny for me to even say, because i didnt even like perkins one little bit. it was a little less scary there, which sounds funny to say. but there i learned how to control facial expressions and not blush, for the most part. i still blush sometimes, like the other day they were having a discussion about which stripclubs were the best, and i blushed a lot, or so im told, but im really getting so much better. i still dont know what to say, but at least they might not know that.
but its becoming clearer and clearer that there is nothing so--awful and destructive as half-way christianity, and nothing so beautiful as the real kind.
the real kind is hard.
im not sure i have to be strong enough for it though, so thats the good news.
but i still feel like im missing something.
but i dont know what it is.
and i think i learned why it is that it bothers me so much when people think they are better than other people. because the more time i spend with them, the more it surprises me to find how much we have in common, and how much we are alike. this is scary and humbling and relieving. for anyone, then, to think that they are somehow better than someone else 1) is remarkably arrogant and 2) remarkably ignorant.
theres more to why i dont like it, like because all men are created equal, and we all recieve grace on a daily basis, but i cant really figure out how to explain it any better besides that.
------------------------
also:
im not dead. ive been working like crazy!
i think i get to graduate from college! and ninehundred peoples change in schedule will be justified, thank heavens!
i will get my new car next week. i dont know what to name it yet, though. ?
i miss my other car [lewis. [louis? i never spelled it, i just said it, so im not sure which is right.] i cried a little when i said goodbye to it. theres just something about that car that got along with me.
i think im an either all or nothing kind of girl. but if its all, i dont want it all at once, you know? i like to spead things out.
sometimes, i really am surprised how much icecream and hugs can help things. and toast.
i learned to write/translate binary. kindof.
im tired of work. really, really tired of it. but i dont know what i want instead.
the world is a curious place. and i have questions about it. i like finding answers to my questions, and i like people who have answers to my questions.
i never know what i want. and i dont know how to know what i want.
and perfect people are really obnoxious.
i remembered tonight that i need to learn my constellations. and probably how to spell them too. i bought a book about stars by h.a. rey, who wrote curious george and its a happy book, but i havent really learned anything from it yet.
its never what you think.
so much i want to learn and see and do! feels like i wont ever get there. i feel stuck, maybe.
i think of so many things to say everyday, but i forget them. and theres so much to share.
i need to write so much, but i think i will start here, and not fuss at myself [very much.] it will come. hopefully.
and there is more. but not now.
and i want some waffle house so muchly. so, so muchly.
we pass just close enough to touch
i wont sleep if you wont sleep
cause tonight might be the last chance that we're given
guilty pleasure: dashboard confessional // dusk and summer
Posted 8/18/2006 12:25 AM
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