»» a succession of confessions: «

[i have been wondering about catholic people lately. mostly because of mother teresa, you know. confession#1: catholic people confuse me on several points. but thats besides the point strictly at hand; confessions seemed appropriate in spite of my confusion.]

» i lovelovelove to read magazines. i have read practically every word that counts of every magazine in our room, and i hate it when they call me quickly at the dentist, cause then i didnt have time to read all of the last issue of good housekeeping, or whatever [usually at the dentists, you get stuck with strictly womens magazines, or parenting, or ESPN. there is no middle ground with dentists, and they dont believe in target audiences like little kids, teenage girls, or anything else, and they hardly believe in anything interesting. but its alright. i dont mind good housekeeping too much, really. yeah, i like it actually].
if i had more time, i would read more magazines [i would read more books too. i should do that anyway. [oooh, and write more] books dont make you feel fat, anyway, and thats one thing in their favor. one feels inherently more fat after you read a magazine, at least a decent magazine. but i still like it muchly anyway, and i just go get a hotfudgesundae to make myself feel better about feeling fat.]

» i forget things that i should already know. like last night there was a ring around the moon and it was big and bright and clear and wonderful. and we looked it up one time about why it does that, but i forgot why. and also the other night when it looked like the moon was being pulled along o-so-quickly by mars, i think. and i felt like i should run after it, lest i lose it, and the moon would be lost forever. when i got home, i was telling my roommates about it and they were like "the clouds were moving, not the moon, stupid." and i really had forgotten that. i was amazed about the moon moving that fast. but they burst my bubble, but i'll survive and i love them still just the same [both the moon and the roommates, actually]. and i forget how to spell gandhi. ghandi? ganhdi? gandhi? gahndi? i forget. and my tornadobuddy, ben, said that maybe it was spelled like ghanna, the country, with the h in the front like ghandi but i said no silly, ghanna the country and gandhi the person arent the same thing, but maybe he was right after all? [he is the guy that said "this, too, will pass. just like a swallowed quarter" and thats pretty smart.] but i have no idea, i forget. and also, i forget if gandhi ever wore a hat.

» also, i forget to breathe sometimes, especially when i talk my head off, which i have certainly been doing lately. i had a pretty good set of less talkative days [3 in a row!] this weekend, but then on monday i decided to talk my head off again. and yesterday i caught myself 3--three!--times and had to tell myself that really, it is necessary to breathe when i talk, and to put space in between my words. and you know that if i catch myself doing that, then its really awful. and also: its possible that i ask too many questions.

» sometimes, i forget how to sit in one spot. i run around in circles. and im restless, and want to cut my hair, and things like that. and i do stupid things, and i feel bad, and i beat myself up and stuff. but theres no need. cause regrets dont help, and neither does fretting, or feeling bad or worrying, or much anything else [well, a few things do, of course: laughing, hotfudge, friends, sleep, impulse buying [o goodness, i think im turning into an impulse buyer. but i think thats genetic?] and things like this. but sometimes you cant have these things right away, and you still just have to be a grown-up lady [-in-training.]
and thats hard work, but good, necessary work. theres a new day tomorrow; what a pleasant thought.

» i only sortof like mint chocolate chip icecream, and i feel bad, cause i think that i think that everyone is supposed to love that kind. and i like it, but i wouldnt pick it if i had the choice. if i had the choice [at a baskin-robbins type place, because i pick different things at different places. or based on mood. im a very mood oriented chooser. with my music, and food, and books, what i wear [!] and all kinds of things. its kind of obnoxious, cause i never know exactly what i'll feel like, so it makes it hard to be prepared [i should have been a boyscout. or something]. thank heavens there are a [precious] few favorites that are pretty much standard, and that i am a pretty much easy-going person, even when i dont get exactly what i want, cause usually if i want it and dont get it, ill still want it tomorrow, so theres a good chance to get it. its not like i would have missed my one opportunity for it. also: i am a good person to eat with [especially at a mexican resturant] because i like the small, broken chips, and i dont want the chunky parts in the salsa. but im also a bad person to eat with because i take small bites regardless of when or what i eat. but o well, such is life. i am also not a person who eats one thing at a time. i like to mix it up.] anyway [!] if i had the choice between mintchocolatechip and something else, i would pick rockyroad. i like that stuff. but thats probably genetic too.

» usually im pretty good about remaining calm, but sometimes i really do forget how to just "go with the flow, man" and how to let things just simmer up out of me. i try to rush, and hurry, and all of that, but simmering and bubbling over is the best way, decidedly.
i think i just need to listen to more hippie music.

Posted 11/15/2005 8:25 PM