someday, child.

{{ someday we'll get it together and we'll get it undone
someday when the world is much brighter
someday we'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun
someday when the world is much lighter }}

for most of my younger life, i was told that i would be fed strawberry-rhubarb pie if i didnt eat all my food; or: if i asked what was for dinner before the parents were ready to discuss such a thing, the answer was also strawberry-rhubarb pie. i thought these were always futile threats cause i thought that no one in their right mind would actually make that gross-sounding stuff, and that my parents were just making that up. and then: someone brought us a homemade strawberry-rhubarb pie last summer. my world was forever changed, i think. and i didnt even try any--just the fact that it actually exists and that reasonably sane people actually eat it was perplexing.
today a similar thing happened: we had real live mongolian barbeque. i thought they just made that stuff up. but it turns out, they didnt. it also turns out that im sortof a natural with the chopsticks. very authentic. [er...something. well, i really did think i was a natural until i threw them across the floor on accident while trying to put rice in my mouth. but i got better after that again.] so, yeah, my rice sparkles. why doesnt yours?
things are different than i thought they would be. you know how when youre 8 or 9 you see all those college kids and think "i am going to be just like ________ when i grow up; shes pretty or _______" and all this stuff. but then you get to be one of the college kids and its not like that. we had a ten-year old house guest for like a week and mom told me that katie [the 10yearold] really liked my sister and i cause we were older, etc. etc.--just like i used to do when i was 10, but now it was the other way around. crazyweird. things are not like i expected now that im here. [and im still waiting too. so heres hoping.]
also: its funny to still predict things about yourself now. i laughed a lot the other day and i just thought to myself that i am going to laugh just like my mother [happybirthday, mummy, by the by] when i get old. and theres nothing wrong with that, but its weirdweirdweird to think.
also, its very weird how sometimes i feel like i am 8 again--im scared, or selfish, or inexperienced, or silly, and i cant even make a pb&j properly and clumsy. and then in another minute, im far older or something and too somber, or graceful, or judgemental, or very kind and a good cook, or whatever. sometimes im 21 as i should be, and a perfect mix of both. but my ability to change between those things is a very quick thing--it only takes minutes to turn completely the other direction at any given moment.
[ also: when i consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained; what is man, that thou art mindful of him?
and:
if i am all that and a bag of chips, but have not love, then i am nothing.]

[like anyone knows what something is ever, though.]

i am still a firm believer that the best sort of friends are the kind who you never run out of things to talk about with, but you can also shut your face with, and still be comfortably fine. oh--hurrah for [bestish] friends. i spent a few hours in barnes and noble with one of them tonight, and a few hours with another on IM last night and tonight, and stuff, and its so pleasant to just laugh and gasp and talkyourheadoff and be comfortable and understand each other. cause sometimes i have lots to say and then sometimes i dont, which is sometimes confusing. and there is just no substitue in the whole world for a good friend, pretty much. and:
HeatherWrites: isn't it funny
when you think about how of many people,
you can like one person
and then the odds of them liking you too?
andju297: oh. yes. its very crazyweird.
HeatherWrites: it's sort of an astronomically slim chance.
but it seems to happen.

and i wonder about that; and about a lot. i cant even tell you how much. whether i talk too much, and what will happen next, if ill be stuck forever doing something i hate, and if "get lost and then get found" is ok, and why im ridiculous and all sorts of things. etc.etc.etc.etc.etc.
and i just want a nice little apartment. thats all i really want. if thats not good enough, then go find yourself a beach condo or something.
and once youre aware of something, its much easier to notice. like those black dots at the movie theatre. i never saw those till after i knew about them, and now i see them all the time. i wonder if its like that for a lot of things.
and connect four is becoming a tournament sport at our house. awesome.

{{ ooh child things are gonna get easier
ooh child things 'll get brighter
ooh child things are gonna get easier
ooh child things 'll get brighter }}

and: heres looking at you, kid.

Posted 7/13/2005 10:09 PM -