(lost in translation)

i cant decide if its better to be b l a n k and apathetic, like this:









or actually feeling things and crazyconfused and stuff, like this:

ika;f84hiafu3ahf83ndjakj3ehqa3ktmdhaioudhfaejkl3i8y38faoi8ufjaod8faoj24r7rfdsjkahfhadifejhfaidsuyhfiae
sdufyhaiusdyhfiaudshfiuasdhifuaydufaisuhxjhfna3uhfd8a3irjkfhdiaduy38aadfijfiesduoawe9ur9ow3832312k
y8sdahfi3eh384ath4kdjfuyfh38hnqfiuh348iuiawuyewf8ch3anhasd8h3wdkdjxfheaui3ru23984jkhfdu4yhf84kj
hn876yijfqoj98joiajflkdjslfaku834957u9q87349382ikjfkauyo4nmf94ank48u6ajnfuidsahfkjsdhkfjdh8uah3karjfy

and so i guess that ill be both and then things end up like this in my mind:

jadfa89ewhfaijfd iajert84rqhaeifhaajkrehi3uayrh83yhijefhhadi8fy94q80t5i43or

jeoiwfaeuifuoij vkjfi4ufod oiewuaoif doiajfuoeurti9woitfjewoijdklfjcoadifuoiduofiuao8ew7 aeuir893hr
aiuefiywufhsdjkh7382rg892874912385691 jafghcuiwbq

nh jdsfy huaie

aiusef7echakwjfhksdjcew8ayf9wrudjshfadisufyh3eru8 iaudyf89eyrjkdhfaiweuyar

which translates to something like this:
i want to feel real things and i dont want to feel bad for feeling them.
i want to stop talking about how things ought to be and have them actually be that way for a change. i want my life to be in some semblance of order and i want to be a good cook.
i want to quit something and not feel bad about it for the rest of my life.
i want to get my hair cut when im home.
i want to be good at things. and i want to be unafraid of failure.
i want to want the most important things the most.
i want to not be fat [ever?].
i want to be reassured of my friends stickingaroundedness.
i want to sleep.
i want my favorite shoes to last forever.
i want a pair of jeans that cooperate and make me look sexy all the time. i think all my jeans hate me.
[ im not sure i know how to do the things i want most. this seems problematic.]

and so i end up being like this:

bleh.

but it must be said for the sake of saying it, so i suppose i shall say it:

my life, as far as i know, is to be continued and so i verymuch want more. and more of you.

Posted 3/14/2005 12:26 AM