» hi, im julie.

» i sing in the car.
when i drive. its the best thing, and i like it, even though im sure i look funny. but its ok, because i reached the point of un-caring about whether strangers think i look funny in the car. and also: everyone does it. they look funny too.

» i procrasinate.
yes. too much, too too much. but sometimes, i get genius ideas when i do that, which is a problem, really, but one that im willing to deal with, if only because i have to.

» and i threw up.
[last tuesday.] i am a bad thrower-upper [always]. somehow or other nearly everyone knew about it. [ i was terribly worried that no one would like me after i threw up, but i think im safe] and thats ok, but it was just weird when i didnt see hardly anyone at all because i was sick, and asleep, and things like that. confusing, but whatever. and yes, i feel better, thanks.
my mother told me when i came to college that she would pray every day that i wouldnt throw up, and i guess thats because she knows that i am consistently a bad thrower-upper, or at the very least an ill-timed one. like when i was a baby girl and i threw up all over daddys shoulder when we were at walmart. or when i was 3 or 4 and i threw up grape juice on the pastors brand new [white?] carpet. or when i was 5 or 6 and i threw up in my grandmothers closet [dont remember how that happened] and we were late to pick up my mother from work. or that time when we just moved into a new house and the next night i threw up all over the new hardwood floors. or that time when i threw up in the living room when i had 8 things due the next day and it was almost fall break. yeah. it was gross. [i asked my mother if she forgot to pray about that on that day, and she said she couldnt remember. that sounds sketchy to me. apparently, i need all the prayers in that area [and every other one] that i can get.]
and you know, i dont think anyone really likes to throw up that much, and i certainly dont wish it upon anyone, but i suppose there is a certain fascination or confusion, or somethingerother with it, anyway. im not really sure what. i was worried about my teeth all day, that the acid from the throwing up would rot them away. and maybe it did. maybe ill have dentures by the time im 30 from all the times ive thrown up in my life. if i do get dentures, im blaming that.
and when i was in late elementery, my best friend and i were all about making lists, and we made a list of different names for throw-up. i think we got up to like 35 different names. if thats not evidence of talent / genius right there, i dont know what is.
and then i went home for break, and that was great and i heard this from my other sister who threw up: "well, at least you were a lady because you didnt have much chunkies." or something like that. and that, in a nutshell, is what i have always aspired to--being ladylike in my throwing-up.
although, im not sure i really was. i think i was just pitiful. when i went to see nurse paul [i like that guy] he said that looking at me made him just feel bad all over. and i believed him. and he was so nice to me, and so was the doctor. and i was telling them all about my throwing-up dream, and how after that i really did throw up, and he told me that he sincerely hoped that i would never dreamed that i exploded.
and then he gave me some cherry juice that comes in its own cup, and i drank one cup [although i have several cups still in my refridgerator, if anyone needs them.] and then i went to bed on the couch, which is the best place to sleep in such events as throw-up, and slept for a long time.

» i dont know
about things.
and i miss things.

» i like hotfudgesundaes.
the best ones are from mcdonalds. they have the best hotfudge around, and dont even ask me how that works. and its also probably the cheapest. its like the best invention in the whole entire world, practically.
theres just something about hotfudge that soothes the soul, and im not even making that up.

» i wear socks.
when i was home, my mother decided i didnt have enough socks. and then she decided that she would purchase me some, because mothers are good like that, and i am never one to turn down free anything, let alone free socks. but when we got to walmart, and she asked me what kind i would prefer to have on my feet, and i told her, and then she promptly told me that those kind of socks were out of style, and wouldnt i prefer to get another variety of socks? and i said that i didnt know that socks had styles in the winter. in the summer, of course, there are certain styles of socks that do not go with sandals [in fact, im not sure any socks go with sandals. ever] and stuff like that. but in the winter, noone can see your socks. and if i like socks that extend past my ankle, who is going to know, even if they are out of style? and since when do socks have styles in the winter? and maybe im out of style, but my reasoning seems perfectly logical to me too: in the rainy weather, the bottom of jeans get all soaked and nasty, but your socks probably stay dry cause they are in your shoes and behind your pant legs. so they will feel lots better than wet gross jeans. and that is a really valid reason for me to wear crew socks. so i bought that kind, out of style or not. and i bought some ankle socks, too, the handy kind where you cant see them, but they work the same pretty much. that is a nifty trick about those socks.
and also, i dont really see the point of toe socks, cause i think socks are supposed to be like mittens rather than gloves.

» i am a girl.
i am fragile and special and beautiful and clever and things like this. i am also moody and crazy and obnoxious and stuff like that. this is how girls are.
[take this into consideration, please.]

» i am a word person.
and im talkintoable. and i liked to be talked to. but sometimes i like to talk.
also, i dont reallyreally like to write that much. but i do. and my inability or ability to get the words on a page is turning into quite the mood-decider. thats awful.

» i am tired.
but im in college. thats expected. i think that i might even sleep too much, [as if thats even possible, which i dont think it is.] when i get the chance. i wonder if thats bad for your health.
but im not tired enough. i want to be the best kind of tired, but im too busy sleeping half the time to make that happen. i get so irritated at myself sometimes.
when i am oldoldold [there are three kinds of physical oldness, you know--old, oldold, and oldoldold.], i am going to grow my hair longlong, so i can have a great ballerina bun, or a french twist, and im going to dress like jackie o. and wear pearls and lipstick. and i am going to sit in church and just belt out all the harmony parts to all the old hymns, because ive been around long enough by then to know them all. and i wont even need the hymnbook. i know a lot of the harmonies now, but not all of them. and i cant belt them out with the years of experience under my belt [girdle?] proving over and over that he is faithful. i know it of course, and he has proved it to me. but i will be excited then to remember. and i will be ready to go places.
i am ready to go places now too, but not literally.

» i care.
i promise. i love you [and you and you] always, and always. sometimes too much, i think [if thats possible, and im not sure if it is.]
but not always enough. and i dont know how to do it correctly.
but we'll get there.

» i like to laugh.
duh. and i think more of it should be done on a regular basis. i am osohappy that i know people that make me laugh a lot sometimes.

» i think too small.
i saw my 11th grade english teacher at salvation army over fall break. and when i think of her, i think of the things that she drilled into our heads [bernice bobs her hair [!]] [well, actually, a whole lot of things she said, i can remember. that was an important class.] but one thing she would repeat a lot during the week we spent on RalphWaldoEmerson and HenryDavidThoreau was:
"simplifysimplifysimplify."
i think i need to do this. i might even become a hermit, at least on the weekdays.
i feel like-- i dont even know. i feel like my brain is too small, but i think its big enough, but its not.
i need to care about what matters.
most of this stuff doesnt matter.

currently playing: a rush of blood to the head

Posted 10/26/2005 11:25 AM