9.28.05

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
[its for when you dont know what to say, see, and i dont]

item 1:
my heavens, there are so many items to discuss, even though i have nothing to say, go figure. but i think i have to begin with the handbag, because thats why i am thinking in items today. but anyway, i feel like marypoppins, in one way, and in one way only. but a while back i splurged on this really wonderful handbag but it was for fall, so i havent really gotten to use it until about now. and i have pretty much been totally and completely impressed with it. not only is it pretty, and wonderful, but it also holds a boatload of stuff, without even looking bulgy, which is an accomplishment, let me tell you. but anyway, i feel like marypoppins, because i never know what can fit in my carpetbag, or what may come out of it, and its such a pretty carpetbag purse with a shiny red inside, and it makes me happy.
and last night, at the banquet i had my osopretty pearl-vintage purse.
and im still of the opinion that purse and shoes ought to match, and no white shoes after labor day. even though im not strictly from the south. and the purse and shoes didnt strictly match, but i used the purse anyway, cause i didnt have a better, or a prettier one.

item 2:
i want to know what i do in my sleep. cause last night, i was all dressed up fancy for scholarship banquet, and my makeup was done and all of this. but in the morning, my makeup was practically non-existent [and not because i washed it off, i usually fall asleep before that happens] and my hair was be a mess, even though all i did was lay on it, and i laid on it uncrumpled. so i want to know what i do in my sleep that makes me look gross, even if i go to bed looking pretty. because that thing happens all the time.

item 3:
speaking of pretty, when i get old, i want to wear heels and dresses still, and hats. and maybe ill get eye corrective surgury and so i wont have to wear bifocals or anything either. and also: i think ill wear whatever color of lipstick i want, because my hair will be white probably and that wont clash with anything like red does.

i want to die tired, but thats a hard thing to do, and i think im too tired right now to make it that far. seriously, i cant remember when ive been so sleepy. so im going to try eating and see how that works out for me. maybe it will help.

item 4:
no one actually has to be friends with me when im writing.
i wont be offended if you decide not to talk to me, i promisecrossmyheart.
[just tell me why you arent talking to me, so i know whether i should be offended or not. because if you decide not to talk to me for another reason, i might be sad.]

the other day i was flipping out about something i was working on and i was talking to my father and my best[?] friend seperately and i said: "see, i flip out. i cant write for a living when im grown up."
and they both said: "you are writing, and you are grown up.
scaryscaryscaryscaryscary. for several reasons, really.

and my mother told me to put more of my heart into something, but i told her i couldnt because i left it on page 38 of something i wrote last week.

and i need an editor too, in all the happiest senses of the word.

and also, i think i got a glimpse of sortof how it is to be a real writer. last week all i did was write and write and writewritewritewrite everyday for like hours. and it sucked. and i was a grumpy hungry sleepy mess. and i wrote 30 pages of grossness before i got to something decent and i had to drag the depths of my soul for the next words, just like they would drag the river for dead bodies back in the day. and i was hopinghoping to get something inspiring and beautiful out, but what i got out resembled a corpse, which figures. but i think i made it, but o, how it sucked.
i dont think i can be a writer when i grow up.

item 5:
i went salsa dancing this weeked, and it was muchly fun. i forget how much i love to dance, and i miss ballet too. and salsa just reminds me of the world and everything, and the sweaty lovely pain and beauty of the whole thing. its a very organic, dirty, sexy and realistic experience.
and i would just like to say that it was the first time ive been somewhere without the X on my hand. not that i go to those X places often, but im just saying. what a liberating experience that i did not take advantage of. although, i did dance with some latin men even. and a boy did buy me a drink at the bar, and nevermind it was only some water.
and last night i wore my green dress, and there is something sortof magical about wearing something wonderful like that. it really is a wonderful dress [one of those kind where you feel like audrey hepburn or marylin monroe for real], and im glad i bought it. and i wore heels, of course. ive been in heels a lot lately, because i always say that i want to wear them, but i hardly ever did. but this week i decided to suck it up and just wear them a whole lot. so i wore them dancing, and to church and to class and the banquet [i dont know why i keep calling it that, because i certainly didnt get any food there]. my feet hurt, but i guess it will be worth it. and i might have better legs.
sometimes, it helps things just to look pretty, and know it, as awful and arrogant as that sounds.

item[s] 6:
people are terribly surprising sometimes. i dont know what to think of it.
and im getting on my nerves. and some people are getting on my nerves, too. poor nerves.
and theres an impending debate, and i dont know what to say.
what if there were more seasons and more colors and more time and more days and more than we even know. thats crazy. thats like it would be crazy if our periphrial vision was more than it is right now--there would be so many things that we could see and that would be crazy.
and we had a mouse. and i almost moved out, but we caught it the next morning. and i am terribly glad and im terribly afraid of mice, nevermind that its [supposedly] a completely irrational fear. a girl is allowed to have an irrational fear every once in a while.
and i want to be inspired.
and im talking my head off.
and i proctored a test for the first time. i couldnt find the room and i was almost late.
and i have a story and im editing, la la la.
i am glad for old friends.
but i do not want to be merely put up with.
i like to let the sunshine and the night come in my room. i dont think my blinds have been open enough lately.
im worried that im a horrible person.
and im probably OCD.
and im sad that i never saw new orleans.
the song "what a friend we have in Jesus" is alwaysalways convicting. i need to pray more.
and that im missing out something or other, or that theres something drastically important that im forgetting, but i dont even know what.

item 7:
back in third grade when we thought that supercalifragilisticexpialidocious was the hardest word to spell in the whole world, or almost [who even knows what the hardest word to spell now is,] i always told all the other kids that i knew how to spell it. and they wouldnt believe me, but then i would do it for them, counting on the fact that none of them knew whether i was right or not. and it worked. and they thought i was smart.
but i am very smug right now that i actually did spell it right, according to real sources like dictionary.com, and the internet.

item 8:
[my notes from bobdole:]
[i know the girl whose grandmother was his tailor, until she died. so there.]

-- sometimes, counties have mayors, and i didnt know that.
-- you may be called to make sacrifices, so dont be surprised.
-- we used to have heroes, and you know, we probably still do.
-- take responsibility.
-- roll up your sleeves instead of twidiling your thumbs.
-- be flexible.
-- no use being a damn fool about things.

and i need to remember that, and stuff, i think.

Posted 9/28/2005 3:03 PM