[ on getting married }

p.s. i am so blessed. soooooo blessed! and happy! and overwhelmed! i have almost lost my head. but in the best possible way. im getting married so soon and i cant believe it and i should so be asleep right now. alas.

p.s.s. this is for jed, my almost-husband, and my favorite boy forevermore.



i am sure i have witnessed many minor miracles in my time (as if any miracles are minor). God provided so wonderfully as we moved to Peoria, His grace was so evident when we found out daddy had cancer, and I can see many ways in which He has kept me and given me grace which I do not deserve--not the least of which in making me His child through Christ's sufficient work on the cross.
but, if you were to ask me if i have ever witnessed any miracles personally, i would first mention my third-senior semester in college. i was in Nashville for a journalism conference and i found myself flipping out in general from, as i recall, pre-graduation (aka i-have-no-idea-what-i'm-doing-with-my-life!) and from life in general. as i was walking around a corner downtown there, in the middle of downtown Nashville and country music and motorcycles and homeless people and business people and crazy buildings and traffic, i found:
. . . . . a camel.
. . . . . in downtown Nashville.
. . . . . and he had a ring of flowers around his neck.
. . . . . and he had a name: bo the camel.
there were a bunch of priests and page boys were running around in magenta instead of white, and this was all happening in front of this absolutely beautiful episcopalian? [sp?] church, and the animals were going to church: it was the feast of st. francis, so they were there for a blessing. and a whole church service. and that makes sense, i suppose. i always heard that you should never turn down prayers or blessings, where ever you can get them. kindof like hugs or something. but once in a while, you just have to turn down hugs, if its sketchy enough.
i cant explain why this was a terribly important event for me. but it was. it really changed my whole weekend.
perhaps its something like this: the camel on the sidewalk was completely unexpected, and the last thing i ever thought i would see in the middle of Nashville. it was ridiculous and odd and strange. but at the very same time, there was something very right, and sensible and _wonderful_ about it--of _course_ the camel would be going downtown to church! it was the feast of St. Francis after all.

the same is true of the giraffe. the giraffe, according to the article we read together back in the day, is an odd animal--it doesn't fit into the categories they had set up previously for animals to fit in. It isn't like any of the other ones. but it makes us pause, doesn't it?
the article we read asserted that the giraffe reminds us of playfulness & curiosity, beauty & personality. In these things, we see evidences and glimpses of God. Without the grace of God (both general & specific), all the best things in life would cease to exist--we wouldn't be able to take pleasure in a perfect sunset, a great meal shared with our dearest family & friends, or even the smell of freshly mowed grass, the lights at Christmas or {insert favorite thing here}. The giraffe is just one more reminder to add to those echoed throughout all of everywhere--there is a great Savior, and his love is marvelous, rich and free.

It is a small wonder, i think, that anyone ever gets manages to get married. everyone is so quirky and strange, not to mention self-centered, sinful, and not at all prone to forgiveness, kindness, respect or anything else that makes up true love (in any form). for anyone to be able to love is an extremely remarkable occurance, and we know that its only possible because God first loved us. As we love each other (in a marriage relationship or otherwise), we are also able to get a clearer picture of God and his lovingcare for us, and our right response of our submission to him and reverence for him.

[ for the ENGINEERS:
if A=giraffes, and B=God and C=marriage, then A=B, and B=C, then A=C. right? ]

I suppose that love is like Bo the camel & the giraffes (who don't have names. but if one was to name a giraffe, what would it be? George?) I was certainly surprised to learn that i was, quite possibly, in love and wanted to get married--and even more surprised to learn that my thoughts on the subject actually coincided with someone else's thoughts about me--and it was the same person! (you know how hard that is to do? usually you decide you want to marry someone right about the time they decide they are madly in love with someone _else_).
(imagine my bigger surprise, and subsequent freak out when i found out what the technical name for the giraffe is: giraffia camelopardis. possibly my two most profound miracles are already connected, by some accident of science, or whatnot. i know, right? its almost like it was meant to be, and this scientific, hard-to-pronounce name was the sign. except we don't believe in signs.

So, going to the zoo and seeing the giraffes (and camels, although, sad to say, they do not come with flower chains around their necks in the wild), will always remind us of these great mysteries. And sitting on our ghetto porch, learning how to cook together (right, we have no idea how), taking walks, reading & studying together, having a family, and sharing all these moments with each other, and everyone else we love best, and so on and so forth from now and till forevermore (relatively speaking)--we will have all of these, Lord-willing. And we will have love, "tru wuv," as the impressive clergyman in princess bride says. All of these will be our miracles. And all of these things will remain, in some form or fashion, and the greatest of these is always love.

[on being engaged.]

well, hello.
its been too long since i have last talked to you all, and perhaps too long until i have time to do so again. nothing seems to wait around for me to have time to catch up with it. i shall try to

I. first things first
i am getting married (!). i have suspected such for a little while now, at least since two february-s (ies?) ago, and i have suspected to whom since about this march; and still i was surprised. funny how that works.

II. the bling
and i am surprised at the ring, too. its nothing like i would have probably picked out for myself, but i really love it even though ((like some other things, come to think of it) (--the boy did good. it even fit.)) i gave him only two pieces of advice on the matter, a long time ago: 1) it had better be gold and 2) i didnt want it to be so high or whatever that it caught on everything. he accomplished those two things, and then some. plus! it sparkles so much. yay.
i was talking to an eight-year-old and a six-year-old earlier today, and they were asking me why one gets the pretty ring when you get engaged, and the uglier one when you get married, because isnt getting married more important? no one who was around really had much of an answer. i dont really know myself, but i suppose its a valid question.
picking out the wedding band was much harder. i think i have found one that i like, and jed likes though, but its so hard to pick things that youre going to have to live with for the rest of your life! i am always second-guessing myself.

III. the story
here is a link to the engagement story and pictures, just in case you missed it on facebook, etc. jed seems to have a lingering wish it would have turned out a smidgin differently, but i think it was perfect, so dont let anyone tell you otherwise.

IV. what happened next.
we were so happy afterward. and i dont know when i have ever smiled so much to date. even the next day, when i was telling the story 34250678 times, i was so happy, and even jed was happy. but then it rather quickly lost its appeal, for the simple reason that wedding planning is no fun. it should be, i know. and it shouldnt be complicated, i also know, especially because i have known about what i have wanted since about 2 years ago when i started working at wedding banquets as a server, and then since now i plan a major banquet for a living. but its much harder when you're 1) spending your own money and 2) there are people you actually care about involved. that makes everything harder. and its not like i want something with icescuptures and doves and glass slippers. i just want something happy and easy and great. you would think that would be easier to come by, but alas. its not in the cards for us. (eventually, it might get there, but not anytime soon.) its hard, and i really hate making people unhappy. i did not expect this,
just as i have not expected most things that have happened in the past year or so.

V. The dress
i fell in love with a dress on the first day i went major dress shopping. (the times i went before hand, the people i talked to were just so ignorant. i knew more about wedding dresses than some of them. how is that possible?) Anyway, i could zip up this dress, but not breathe in it. no good. and i couldnt order it, because it takes a million years to get a wedding dress, apparently. so i searched at every other place possible and there was nothing. so i went back to the first place to mourn my loss, and see if there was anything i missed. 20 minutes before they closed they asked if they had shown me the discontinued dresses (they hadnt.) i found one super cheap that was perfect and bought it on the spot. hurray.

VI. the guestlist.
you see, we had some problems. we know EVERYBODY. and everybody we dont know, jed is related to. we couldnt not invite mostly everyone (we spent much time trying), sowe gave up and found the best possible way to invite everyone. because we couldnt not invite them. (how is it that so many people like us? thats a little ridiculous. wonderful, (it is admittedly a very good problem, and we are blessed, but still. its ridiculous.) and: they're mostly all coming. you may come, also, if you want.

it was the most traumatic thing EVER to find places for this whole thing to take place. i tell you what.


VII. the plan:
Saturday morning wedding & brunch reception. we like brunch, but it is terribly ironic because i am quite far from a morning person. we'll see how this goes. they keep telling me that i wont have any trouble waking up (in fact, ill have trouble sleeping for once) but i remain unconvinced.

the pictures will be after the whole thing. the family will have to suck it up and stick around if they want pictures. well, i suppose nonfamily could stick around too, if they want pictures.

hopefully this wedding will be a conglomeration of the things that we like best about weddings, and we'll leave out mostly everything we dislike. for an exhaustive list, email, or perhaps jed and i will write a few posts together on the subject, as this summer we have been practically professional wedding attenders, and jed has the usher thing down pat.

we will also have balloons. and windows, and cupcakes and the most delicious chocolates.


VII. the cake!
jed and i have a little cake for us to eat, and its so cute. more importantly, its the most delicious white cake/buttercream frosting with APRICOT filling. so, so delicious. i dont even like apricots that much, (only the thought of them). we will have white/apricot cupcakes and chocolate with cream in the middle ones for everyone, and they will all have a cherry on top. the lady at the cake store asked me what was up with the cherry, which i think is a silly question, because all the best, most perfect-looking cupcakes have a cherry on top. sheesh.


VIII. a non-wedding related moment

from summer:
apparently life is not all bad, especially in summertime. for example, i have recently discovered something that almost makes me want to stay in the country for a 100 more summers: fireflies!
i used to think that fireflies were these elusive little bugs, just 2 or 5 of them by your flowerbeds around the house in the evening, or by the tree, and they were a little teensy bit hard to catch. because there just werent very many and all that. well, this is not the case in the country--whole fields are aglow with them, and it is truly a beautifully breathtaking sight.
work: bleh. bleh,bleh.
everything: i dont feel like i have enough time for all of this! i want to enjoy this, and sink it all in, but goodness. ive been running around like a chicken.
and this is all too hard.
name: i will miss my old name very much. i think it will be very hard to stop being julie ----- and change all around to julie _____. i am much more like a ------- than i am a _____. but i have recieved reassurances that the new name is a good name, and it sounds all right and all of that, so perhaps, in time, it will be alright. but awfully weird at first. i like my name, and i have always thought that my parents did such a nice job of naming me.
hopefully: after the wedding, we can get everything nice and organized (i havent started going through the gifts and things at all (trying to get the last 12 thank you notes from showers done first, so i can make sure i have everything accounted for!), and we can eat healthier for once, and have time to read some. also, i would like to be writing more than i have had a chance to. i found an old poem when i was cleaning out stuff, and i read it again: it wasnt half bad, surprisingly. (maybe it was, but i still liked it.) and just having time to hang out together. we have been soooo busy!

IX.
still, i am so glad for everything:
church, house, job (kindof). sleeping with open windows again, and peach pie, and so on and so forth.
so many people. and especially my family.
and im glad i get to marry jed.
even if it is weird to think about.
the end, (just for tonight.)

in another life---

I am coming to a problem point in the life of my phone. you see, i am running out of room for voicemails.
did you see that story about the old man who is suing the phone company because they accidently lost his voicemails when he got an new phone or something? He had saved on there his wife's recorded greeting and perhaps a message from her. She had passed away a year ago or something and he played the messages everyday, maybe multiple times in order to hear her voice again. he loved her. he missed her. it reminded him of her.
and then the phone company went off and erased it. hes unhappy. understandably so, perhaps. hopefully, they said they could retrieve it and put it onto a cassette or cd for him. that would be a better option, anyway. he could probably skip the suing if he got that.
it might need to be something i look into. my voicemail is quickly filling up. and its because i have to save all these messages from ever ago--but i need them. they remind me of so many things--the sound of your voice. what i thought about when such-and-such happened. how things were back then. how things are now, and that really, its not even almost all bad. And some of the messages just flat out make me so happy, or even make me absolutely giggle.
so i cant erase them, you see. but i cant exactly continue at the rate im going. does anyone know a way around this?

Also, i am coming to a problem point in my career, perhaps. about a week ago, i was in the shower (where most of the best thoughts inveribly come to you--when you have no place to write them down. do they make shower-wall-pens-that-dont-wash-out-till-later?) and i decided that my current job wasnt working for me (actually, i had been pondering that for a while.) but the meetings, the regimented schedule, the dress code, the enormous responsibility. these are not words that really fit in with my way of life, you know?? i decided that the thing i really want to be is a nurse.
not kidding.
the reasons for this are many-fold.
1. awesome dress code.
2. i would get to talk to all kinds of amazing people. and hear their stories.
3. desks wouldnt be a part of my life. neither would the kinds of meetings i usually get in on here.
4. i am great in emergencies. great.
5. ever since i learned about cells, i've had a total thing for medicine. i am a sucker for cells, you see.
6. good benefits/pay
7. flexible schedule. i dont even think i mind the night thing, and plus, i would only have to work like 3-4 days a week. awesome.
8. nurses are always needed.
9. there is plenty of scope for the imagination. i think heather and renee actually subplanted this thought in my head with their recent anne of green gables marathon, even though i, unfortunately, couldnt be present. plus, also, ive been reading emily of new moon lately. thats close enough. the whole "soothing fever brows, and a rich patient carrying you off with him to the mediterranian" is drastically appealing. im done with cold.
10.my mother and grandmother were also nurses. i wouldnt want to quit the family tradition.
11. plus, i would just be a really awesome nurse.

the cons are:
1. i dont like throw-up.
2. not exactly trained for it. and dont have the more money required for school.
3. everytime ive mentioned it thus far to anyone, they've laughed their heads off. not sure why.

see? i think all signs point to the fact that i should be a nurse, definately. oh well. we shall see, wont we?
(what is the past tense of "shall"???)

im sitting at work right now, actually, and the boy is asleep in my chair, the one all the way across my cubicle. its a good 3 feet away. (i got the luxury office. haha. its really not so bad except for the grayness of it and the no windows thing. oh, and the i-can-hear-everything-going-on-ever thing. i have added a bit to it, which im sure seems strange to the others that work here, but i could not do positively any work without it, and its hard enough to do it as it is.) its a perfect saturday, except for 1) its not quite warm enough 2) there are no windows and 3) i am sitting at work, surrounded by piles of baby bottles and camoflauge silent auction items for the clay shoot. there is a part of work i know nothing--absolutely nothing about, i tell you. why anyone would want to pay a bazillion dollars to come shoot fake orange things? men. geh.
which reminds me: the lady who trained me here told me if things ever got too hard, then i could just get married and have a baby. that way i could quit, but they wouldnt hate me for it. im thinking about taking her up on that advice. i dont quite know how to decide about such, though. i overanalyze, perhaps!

i have been reading again what our mothers didnt tell us, by danielle crittendon. if youre a girl, or guy, i suppose, read it. it has changed my life. seriously.

i also need some more good music to listen to.

speaking of fake orange things, have i ever mentioned that i dont like oranges? i dont. or orange juice. my mother told me i couldnt go to college until i learned to like orange juice, because that is a life skill, but i managed to get there anyway, without liking it. also, lately, i have been drinking real cow's milk--like straight from a cow with no inbetween steps. dont worry, its cold, though. i have had two different kinds (one from the next town over, which actually, i think was transplanted from kentucky, and the other kind from wisconsin.) i actually like the wisconsin kind better, but they both taste just like milk. except, i guess its way better for you. so says jed. it is one of the ironies of life that the boy is so incredibly health conscious, and i am so incredibly....not. but shoot, if i can get some highly necessary-change-your-life-omega-something-or-other that will dramatically impact and improve my health by doing something that i love and would doing anyway? im all for it. (if you want to dramatically change your health and life, too, ill give you his email address because he knows how or something.)

also, for the next month or something (Starting yesterday) we will have 11-12 people living in my house. all my extra makeup has already been commendeered to play princesses. these girls are crazy. they even have their own made up languages and writing and back-stories. back-stories! im so glad they have that. my bestfriend was a great back-storier, and that changed my life, too. but its a good thing that most mornings im too tired to put on any makeup except the mostest absoultely necessary. alas. maybe when i get to be a princess ill take up eyeliner once again--a luxury most of us can ill afford, i'd say.

inventing invention

i had the best breakfast almost of my life the other week.
i wouldnt necessarily say its better than eggs and grits and buscuits and gravy, etc., (homemade or wafflehouse!) or better than a cinnamon roll and hashbrown from mcdonalds, or even french toast and breakfast potatoes at perkins at 11p.m., because those things are good (and some of my absolute favorites), and they have their place.
my breakfast consisted of:
-- a boiled egg (in one of those cool egg dishes.)
-- ham
-- fresh bread and butter
-- a banana
-- chocolate dip for the banana
-- hot chocolate and water

it was so good! ---a different kind of good than the others--a kind of good that was lingering and inspiring and that i want to imitate regularly. i think it was for three reasons:
1. it was fresh and simple and not complicated.
2. it has all necessary things that you love most, and is reasonably healthy: protein, carbs, fruit, chocolate.
3. it is reproduceable.
in fact, i am reproducing it right now. im multi-tasking! and eating a boiled egg (with the outside of the yolk turned grey, which is really the only way i like the yolk.) and a quarter of a gondola, half a banana and some truffle kisses. (so good.) and i am happy about this.

why dont we live like that --all the time?
{2.20.08}
_________________________________________________________________

of course, that was 3 weeks ago, and the original even longer ago than that.
we dont live like that because it is hard to keep up, i think.
today for lunch, for example, i will probably eat peanut butter and jelly (the peanut butter will have omega-3 fatty acids artificially added, because i feel guilty not being healthy enough. i think the bread is smushed. also, i plan on having popcorn (and m&ms---individual sized bags are awesome.) because i've been wanting that. This is the time of year that i want popcorn constantly. unexplainably.
it is warm outside today. this is a change that i welcome. which is a rare enough event.
i think i should try to write on this everyday. i think that i will plan to do this at lunch. i have decided that it is more productive for me not to leave the building if i can help it. although, once its quite warm outside, i plan on walking down to the downtown courthouse square and listening to the provided (and often sketchy) lunch music. plus, its exercise that way. two birds with one stone, no?

even once it gets warmer i might even just want to sit outside and not do a single thing but look at the clouds. i dont do that enough.

nevermind. i just heard there was pizza downstairs for lunch, which i will probably eat instead of the pb&j on squishy bread. goodbye, omega-3s. and smushy bread. i have heard this about pizza: that even when its bad, its good. and also, that you generally cant have too much of it.
although, the pizza does throw off the popcorn plan.

i need to write on here more. i feel tooo smushed under everything, and it is hard to balance and i absolutely cannot live up to all of the expectations. the end. i will use this to remember what is beautiful in this town (if there is such a thing)and in this life (that is here, just hiding). ((( keep me guessing with these blessings in disguise, i suppose.)))
also, do the small bits of beauty outweigh everything else? its hard to say.

i was looking in my notebook just now to see if i had thought of any other gems that i had forgotten about. not really, but i found these two:
1. "Could love have ensued out of order and perfection? maybe. but probably not."
2. "cluelessness is the mother of invention."

these are true, i think. sometimes i surprise myself when the things i do manage to get down on paper are still _true_true later.

once, in first grade, i tried every conceivable way to spell "once." (ALSO---excellent movie. i finally saw it, and i fell in love with it.) ones, wonce~who knows what all i wrote. my teacher was standing over my shoulder and told me all my ways were wrong, helped me erase them, and let me *finally* figure out the best way (i just wrote the best way to spell it??!?!? i meant the *only* way) to spell it. and i have never forgotten how since.

: so i breathe it in :

I.
Last night as i was sleeping
i dreamt--marvelous error!--
that i had a beehive
here, inside my heart.
and the golden bees
were making white combs
and sweet honey
from all my old failures.
-- antonio machado, from times alone

II.
and the other day, this new friend of mine said something to me:
"just because it starts differently, doesnt mean its worth less."
and i soaked it in! how i soaked it in.
and just to prove how right he was, then you came.
-- peter, bjorn and john, from writers block "objects of my affection."

III.
by this we know love: that He laid down
his life for us, and we ought to lay down our life for
others. little children, do not let us love
in word or talk, but in deed and truth.
God is greater than our hearts.
--1 john 3:16, 18, 20

{an obligatory list.}

because i cant do much else, apparently. at least right now. but something is better than nothing, no? i thought so.

The Not-So-Good:
1. getting stuck in snow for hours!
2. the snow plow (who the nice sheriff deputy called to pull me and dad both out) getting stuck, too.
3. awkward situations
4. having to answer the same questions over and over again
5. feeling like i should be in two places at once.
6. not having enough of a christmas break from work.
7. the still not-knowing-what-im doing- at-work feeling. its not the work, actually. its the job. im bad at having a job like this, i think, if that makes sense.
8. my mother changing types of gum, after shes had the same kind my entire life. i dont do well with change, you know.
9. still not being done moving! geh.
10. icy car windows in the morning.
11. unpleasant conversations
12. not having quite enough time for everything
13. peyton, the fish, dying.



The Good:
1. chips / salsa. and waffles. and christmas cookies. and fabulous $2 frozen chinese food
2. metaphors that arent actually metaphors at all (just the real thing, said somehow else.)
3. fitting things in, easily.
4. wal-mart bags. (so useful.)
5. happy insides of shoes
6. conversation (and hotchocolate. welcome, but not required.)
7. going to tennessee soon. and potentially graceland, too.
8. circle-y connections.
9. chewing gum. (i wouldnt be where i am today without it.)
10. mittens! (and even though i only have gloves right now, i still call them mittens, because
thats way better.)
11. singing christmas music at the childrens home in town. very ghettofabulous-meets-um...not
ghettofabulous.
12. good music in general, actually. and i like songs with whistling / harmonicas.
13. giraffes. and camels.
14. surprises, of all kinds.

(there is so much.)

{eavesdropping.* }

(or: put a goose in your basket and call it a day.)

i think its important to eat foods with their intended instruments, so i always try to eat chinese, etc. with chopsticks, if at all possible. i like it.

there are certainly things in this world that try one's patience.

oh, you know how the only constellations we know are mostly just the dippers and orien (although, maybe you know more, i dont remember?). anyway. i found out that orien's armpit is what beetlejuice is. which is weird. why would you name someones armpit beetlejuice?

and i finally got some gravy last night, from crackerbarrel. it seemed a little on the thin side, but it was certainly better than nothing, which is what i previously had. i have not, however, filled the craving for waffle house.
whenever i think of gravy, i also usually think of this guy named joey, who i worked at perkins with, in jackson. one day, when i first got there, we were talking about how his life was so screwed up right then, and then he said--in the most southern-ish accent ever--"its all gravy, baby." and it was so funny, and sortof a culture shock thing, maybe, cause his accent was so strong (even though southern accents werent new to me at all!) for some reason i always think of that.

and theres a reason why i've been busy---work. i have 4 events in the fall. one has just happened, and one happens this week. i've had to go back to work 3 nights this week, which is gross, but i have a million things to do! and i feel like im forgetting things like crazy. so, i made myself a massive to-do list and put some pictures on it, so i like to look at it, and i also made myself a great soundtrack and got myself a cookie and i've been plugging away, at least sortof. who knows how everything is actually doing. not me!
so, if you have any good music suggestions for fall soundtrack #2, let me know. i was pleased with the first soundtrack, and i have been listening to it. having a great soundtrack for life makes a difference!
ive been going to bed later than i was trying to before and so im tired too.
i have missed this feeling. i miss being up at two in the morning talking to people at a damp-from-dew picnic table. i miss sleeping in random places and carrying my alarm clock and toothbrush with me to the DMS lab. i miss the DMS lab. it was so inspiring. i mostly miss the feeling that i am learning things that are important--and then that i can do something with the things that i have learned. actually, not true. the thing i miss the most is eating whatever i want and not gaining a pound ;)

i am using a different computer than normal and the keys are so nice and clicky. (i need a laptop. but i decided to not get one until i paid off my last credit card. almost there!)

i like being busy, but i think i feel static in lots of other ways.
also, this week, i met someone who's parents died in the genocide in rowanda, and a guy i went to highschool with was at the mission and also, someone a year younger than me from church was at the mission too. i did not know what to say to these things. they made me feel really lame. and sad. and it breaks my heart to see guys my age at the mission. they shouldnt be there, you know? 23 year olds havent had time to mess up their lives yet--its mostly still just plain stupidity still.
maybe thats what i meant when i said that i dont feel like myself sometimes here. i havent written hardly at all (i just cant do it!) and i dont feel like im learning things (except i know i am.) and i dont feel like i have the chance anymore to do something important. i would like to do something important. and im not sure that im quite so funny anymore. and im not sure i was terribly funny to begin with, except sometimes when i write, but i dont even do that anymore, so thats out! bleh!
and sometimes, i feel like boring-ness and staticity is encouraged by people here (if not directly, then by their lifestyles) and that is a tragedy. one of many in the world, i know. people here are okay with being bored. i cant remember the last time i was bored! my mother never let us, and there is certainly too much to do in the world to ever think about being bored. this is a pet peeve of mine, for sure.

also, we went to the nickel creek concert on sunday (two sundays ago, now), or rather sat outside of it (it was an outdoor concert) and my sister and i werent rich enough to pay for both of us to get in, so we sat outside the fence with some nice old people and some other hippie people and this guy that worked there? i guess? started yelling at us before the concert started about how we werent true art supporters and stuff. and then later he threatened us with security, then he brought them (even though he couldnt kick us out, cause we were on public property.) but we moved back a ways, and were just fine, but the hippie people argued and argued with the both of them about it, and it was pretty funny.) but it was really a wonderful concert with all the random mix of people that you find at and around those things.


its important to like cheese when you go to europe because that is what they eat there! all the time, for breakfast and things. also, baked beans sometimes, i heard. imagine the queen eating baked beans for breakfast! thats an amusing thought. well, of course, the queen is amusing either way you go. my favorite story though, is king henry the VIII. my best friend growing up was two years older than i was and was a fantastic reader. like checking 38 books out of the library at a time fantastic. and then reading them all.
anyway, i would make her tell me the story of king henry the viii over and over because she had all the wives memorized and knew all the juicy details about them. i love that--a good story with just the right details that you can listen to over and over. also, i love the steadfast tin soldier--thats more of a fairytale, but it isnt really. you should read it, if you havent. or wait till i see you, and ill read it to you. then you can read me something. there is something so wonderful about being read to. do you remember when you were old enough to read, but still young enough to be read to on a regular basis (did your mom read to you? did you like it?) and i would try to read over moms shoulder and read ahead! but then you would get stuck when it came to the end of the page.
seems like a metaphor for something.
do you have a favorite?
it would be really weird, but cool, to live underwater. one major memory of mine from early on in life was going to san antonio with my sister and parents (by the way, you and your sister were adorable when you were little. i have no pictures online for you to see of my sisters, but sometime ill show you.) anyway, we went to seaworld and the alamo, etc. but we also went to this one place where we went down in a submarine, and there were mermaids and this swimming, dancing pig. it was so crazy! and it made an impression on me, i can tell you.

and today, i saw a man riding a bike with a painted goose sitting on the front of his bike, like in the basket. why did he have that goose? why did he paint it? where was he going? oh! and you'll never guess this one: i saw the bicycle-goose-man again! it wasnt just a one time thing. and it was raining, and he was riding around anyway, and holding an umbrella at the same time. and i learned that the goose is actually just white--not painted at all--but instead is dressed in capes, tied around his neck! that is crazy. it was a different cape this time. something striped, i believe.
things like that make a difference in life. and i dont know about you, but i need that.


* courtesy of various emails written to people

Posted 9/2/2007 1:15 AM

{ this post is to my library books as my library books are to my smudgy heart}

which means, of course, that its far overdue, which is the problem i always have with library books. this is because i love the library so much, and everytime i go i find a million books that i want so i check them out, and then, of course, i dont have enough time to read them, and i hate to give things back that i havent read yet. so then they are overdue and thats a problem. however, funnily enough, my notebook has been getting quite a bit of use lately, which is good and bad. i desperately need a laptop (mac or pc?!?!). i just cant write here otherwise, i think. i cant explain it, its psycological, i guess. but a lot of people here do not understand about my notebook. that is a big difference between here and college.

however, i lately had one night that was very miserable, and, therefore, i scribbled about 6 pages worth of notes for a book someday. i think it might be a good idea. maybe.

i got perhaps the worst haircut in my life the other day. i mean, it looks okay, but im not really sure its actually straight. or what i asked for when i went in. its always risky getting your haircut. i was thinking about it, and its really funny, because this sort of haircut is something that happens when i just cant stand it anymore, and i just have to get my haircut and then something happens, and you just feel better, because if everything else is out of your control, d***it, and there is nothing you can possibly do about it, but you can get your haircut, and so you will. but i realized this time that actually, you cant control this either, because you arent holding the sissors. and that is a big part of controlling the haircut. that is a slightly startling realization.

but it was almost worth it because the lady i was talking to was a little halirious. she told me all this crazy stuff and some funny stories and she kept saying "oh my lordy, God help us." and if she wasnt doing something or other with my hair i think she would have done the catholic cross thing (genuflect? i forget what its called.) because she was and old mexican lady who immigrated here 30 years ago. she had good stories. and she cared for people.

i want to do that.
but i wonder if it is a good idea or not, sometimes. friends seem fluid, and i apparently, am not good at it, really. which is funny because it never seemed hard for me. but neither did a lot of things, so i dont guess thats a really good way to judge. i do want, and need, friends, though. also, it is hard to think about real things here, sometimes, because so much time is taken up with normal living things: cleaning, deciding about dinner, dusting, etc. that is another difference between here and college. everything seemed bigger and more important there, and i didnt have to spend much time with various sundry details because there wasnt that much room for them. dusting, for instance, took half an instant for the whole dorm, if it was even necessary--no surface was hardly still long enough to merit the need for it.
however, here i work at the rescue mission. i know a guy who was beat up in the ghetto, and there was a lady who died because a cinder block was dropped on her head while she was driving and another guy whose car was stolen. and we are learning about the sermon on the mount at church (you should listen too.) and i dont know. its harder to care here, maybe, but with more opportunities. which is ironic.
but everything is something to offer, even in this discouraging, lonely, scary, hopeful, and mysterious old world.

things are not necessarily good over here, you know. dumb things are hard, and i have a hard time with them. but things are not bad, either. i often think that things that should not be happening to me are (not strictly circumstancial, though, because we must learn to rejoice in them and through them); and that things that should be happening to me or seem to always be happening to someone else, do not happen to me regularly at all, or even infrequently, or never. is this a problem? maybe this is why ive been on an eighties movie kick lately. which has put me in the mood for 80s music. any suggestions for good stuff?
also, i have lots of mosquito bites, for some reason. and it is hard to walk in the rain and eat chicken nuggets and smile at people.

smiling at people is newly, or perhaps more renew-ed-ly important. this is something that a dog is good for. i have been trying to walk the dog. this is important to me because 1) i feel like im getting fatter since ive been home, which is probably only half a smidgin true, but it feels like more, so i should exercise and 2) its nice outsitde most nights and 3) because it is nice to say hello to people. ti do try to do that when i walk. it is good. and it is a way to be friends, fluidly, and that is how it should be, so you dont feel sad--rather, you feel just the opposite. i have made lots of random friends this way. once, when i was shopping, i encountered a former kindergardener named sophie and we had a very nice lengthy conversation. and we were best friends for 10 minutes and she gave me a hug when she left and that was just how it should be.

it was also good because it distracted me from my growing irritation with shopping. it used to be that i got irritated because nothing was modest, or it didnt fit right. and these things are still true. but it is rather rapidly being replaced by two things: first, i hate having to look at each piece of clothing and stand there and decide whether the article of clothing is a dress or a skirt, or a shirt. half of this stuff is virtually indistinguishable. and that is irritating. it lengthens time time required for any shopping trip by a lot cause you have to stand there and decide about everything. grrrr. the other irritation is that i am not pregnant (insofar as i can tell. theres always that nagging worry, per the x-ray complications, and the internet research with the two-times-ago roommates.) nor do i have any desire to look pregnant. and 3/4 of the clothing available is also suitable for maternity wear. its a little insane. oh, if only i was pregnant right now, i would be all set. im tempted to stock up anyway for when i am pregnant, because im sure by then, that only skinny styles will be in fashion, and i will be doomed to wear old lady pregnant clothes. maybe then i will look like im from the 80s. how exciting.

anyway, last time i was walking puppy, i let her run around in this great field, which was still smelling damp and freshly cut and clovery. there is nothing i like so well, unless you add the fireflies and what do you know, there were fireflies. and life was good, even though. and the whole thing was entirely too poetical to put into an actual poem, so i will write it in prose, but it was lovely. a few moments before i started walking, someone told me to be sure and look at the sun (what a remarkable thing! i usually tell people to look at the moon) because it was setting very prettily. so i looked as i was walking,but i could never see it. as i was leaving the field and there was a bright light through the trees and i thought that it must be the sunset. turned out, it was a street light.
i was certainly glad it wasnt the sun.

we really do have smudgy hearts, dont we?

Posted 7/18/2007 9:50 AM

ready (and waiting)

i'm ready for something big.

(i think.)



really, its more like im thinking about beginning to think about starting to get ready to be ready for something big.
(i am definately interested to see what will happen. (among other things.))





(..........to be continued.)

Posted 6/27/2007 11:25 PM

{ once in a blue moon }

once in a blue moon is one of the things that i always say. and lo and behold, tonight is a blue moon, for real. here is an article about it. i read it (or at least skimmed it). apparently, it has not much to do with the color of the moon, and has something to do with misunderstandings in language. how appropriate. i was very interested to learn this stuff. although it was very cloudy tonight, ironically enough, and so i couldnt see it. and i was a little sad, because there is something intrinsically lovely about blue moons. another thing i say on a regular basis is: is the pope catholic? and varients thereof.

the thing that my grandpa always said was this:
i went to the river, and i couldnt get across
i paid five dollars for an old gray horse
i got to the river, and he couldnt swim,
so i knocked him on the head with a hickory limb.
whereupon we would probably also be knocked on the head, although not with a hickory limb, because we didnt have many of those. but with whatever was handy. like the newspaper. or the couch pillow. or...um...the flyswatter.

speaking of my grandpa, he passed away.
it was very sad, and very strange. but he was a good grandpa, and i know he loved the Lord a lot, so its okay. and my grandmother is wonderful about the whole thing. she kept saying (with the resoluteness of that generation) that it was just our turn, and we didnt want our turn at this, but everyone has to have one, and we can trust God. and we can. but i still cried. i have been less ashamed of tears lately. how important it is to share with each other! not just pizza, or jokes, or smalltalk, but everything. (and the second most important thing to share is stories. this is something else my grandmother was great about). the whole thing is about letting people come over with your house messy, because theirs is too, probably. at least a little bit, like in the closets. its about a willingness to be vulnerable, sometimes. not always, certainly. but its important. and hard. being real is important, and even just one real conversation can make such a big difference. really. ( i miss this.)

my grandparents have really bad timing in dying, though. (haha.) my dads mom was during all of the grandkids crazy week-before-finals (or somewhere right around there. really-super-plus busy anyway) and we all had to do a lot of shuffling to be able to be where we needed. and then my grandpa was in the middle of my sisters and cousins finals, and i missed my first big work event to be there (which ended up being okay, but i felt bad) and my cousin had to come from japan and it was dad's birthday (and we were praying jack wouldnt die then, and he didnt!). and no one ever has anything to wear for funerals, ive decided.

i am feeling slightly relieved that things still feels like summer, even though ive been working, and no vacation, really. almost a year ago, i was at the zoo. and that was lovely. and i was driving back through saint louis afterwards. that was a defining experience for me, in a least a couple of ways, and i missed things, but im not sure i would change them. and i wondered if the lions ever showed up. and how the anteater was doing.
also, i was relieved to learn tonight that there is, in fact, duck tape as well as duct tape. i always thought it should be duck, but everyone always told me duct. i like ducks better.
(my nursury was decorated with ducks. ironic, eh? death, marriages, birthdays, anniversarires, births--the whole deal, right here and now. somewhere anyway. this post is like a deluxe pizza, apparently. and i think i shall have a chocolate meringue pie instead of cake, or pizza for that matter. i love that stuff in a way which i do not, and will never, love deluxe pizza. i am a thin-crust,-lots-of-pepperoni-and-cheese girl myself.)
i did learn a great deal about funeral processions, though. it was one of my greatest fears in all my life though, because i was very near the front of the procession and i had to drive and i had my sisters, because my parents rode with my mamaw. and i had no earthly idea where on earth he was going to be buried, and i get lost in that town------so what if i lost the procession!?!?!?! i had like 30 people behind me too, so i was very worried about this. my sisters were just hoping that we would get to run a red light. and we did that too. and most happily--no one got lost! (just think of how you would never hear the end of that!) but it was pretty funny.
this is one of the things that i didnt know you could do before. and also, i dont think i knew that you should pull over if you see one, cause you should. and keep your lights on if youre in one, and keep up! and some walking guys took off their hats when they saw us.. it was very sweet, and respectful of them. this is where the south is nice. i wouldnt mind being like that.

also, i am beginning to understand, maybe, that this do unto others business does not always mean "if you dont want someone to punch you, dont punch them first." it can be much more proactive than that----whoa. if you want someone to be kind to you, be kind. if you want encouragement, encourage. if you want someone to give you their chocolate cookie, share yours first. and so on. thats harder, i think, because its so unlike what we think.

i heard an absolutely halirious story while i was in texas. someday, i will publish this one. it is often a great relief to be moderately funny sometimes.
and, while i was there, my cousin made me three awesome--and i mean awesome--cds, full of good music that i havent heard much of yet. but he didnt label anything at all, so i have no earthly idea what im listening to. ill blame it on the jetlag. he was in japan just a few days before. and you lose/gain practically a whole day, depending on which way youre going, and thats just weird. that is something that i just dont understand.
but i did learn some more about chickens this weekend.
i think when i grow up, i want to live in a house with a single or double digit house number: 15 tiffany court. 6 charles way. 10 maple street. i think that place will be very interesting and conducive to lovely things. as they already are, really. just like a blue moon.

yes, i am interested to see what will happen, dont you think?

Posted 5/31/2007 10:44 PM -

{ my screen debut }

this is my screen debut. actually, more like my literary and stage debut, but whatever.
the best part is that this conversation actually happened. like 58 times. seriously.
these were good times. and this makes me laugh so much.
(and it was in a real live play.)
and i am still curious about chickens.
and now, because its happy, my scene:


(Back at the house. Margie enters; Henry is sitting in an easy chair.)




Margie: Henry, there you are! I've been running about like a chicken.

Henry: A chicken?

Margie: Yes, I've got to find…

Henry: Marge, chickens don't just run around. The phrase is, 'I'm running around like a chicken with its head…'

Margie: I know what the phrase is, Henry.

Henry: But if you said…

Margie: Wait, how do you know about chickens?

Henry: I used to have chickens on a farm.

Margie: You did not.

Henry: Oh, no, come to think of it, I chronically lie about my past as a chicken farmer in order to pick up chicks. (HE realizes the pun, then laughs.)

Margie: It's not funny.

Henry: You get it? I didn't mean to, but it's funny.

Margie: Yeah, yeah. You always are.


(and so on.)


currently playing: the plain white T's // hey there, delilah

Posted 5/25/2007 9:22 PM

the baby cow

( like always: its not anywhere near finished yet, so improvement suggestions are more than appreciated.
but--i have some semblance of a poem! and i am happy to be fussing with it, even though-- all things considered.
there is certainly grace for the moment. more to come. but here---edit! )


The Baby Cow
for Jack, who taught me how to fish

Coming home from the war, you rode a train from New
York to Tennessee to Alabama, which was home. You stopped
in Jackson because you couldn’t wait any longer for some fried chicken,
which they didn’t have in France. It wasn’t as good as your mothers.
My great-grandmother makes the most southern fried chicken
anyone has ever put in their mouth. Her biscuits could have been fed
to the confederate army before battle, so the boys would die thinking of home.
I certainly do not have this skill.
This is probably because I do not understand chickens.
I do not understand which eggs are shipped to warehouses in Milwaukee,
and then to the corner grocery in Odessa, established 1811,
and which are incubated, en masse, warm and safe.
Eventually, a chick breaks through the translucent shell,
and undertakes its chickenly duties, until the end of its life. And I do not understand
how chickens manage to run around after their heads are cut off.
I certainly do not have that skill, either.

The same cigar has been in your mouth since the war,
and since then you have fancied yourself an artist. We take our notebooks
and find a spot by the riverbank and sketch any dandelion or caterpillar
that comes across our path. We are not only artists, but scientists:
later, we take our drawings to the library and find the scientific names,
Magnoliopsida Asteraceae, and add any necessary details to the drawings
that we missed before. We are precise, and precisely none of this has ever happened.

What happened was this: we woke earlier than the fish and spent an hour digging
for the best worms (I used my thumb and forefinger as a pair of forceps).
Finally, at the pond, we got ourselves situated in a good spot, near the reeds,
and, despite the rope tied around my baby-girl waist, I promptly fell in.
both annoyed and amused, you fished me out and walked me home. You told me
a story about a man you knew in France, who also got himself into a river
and couldn’t swim. That man bought a horse for five dollars from a nearby farm
The stories I like best are about farms. Your great-grandmother
used eight gallons of syrup a day to feed all her children and the farmhands;
your great-aunt’s best friend got stuck on the barn roof for half the night
before anyone could talk her into coming down. And your father
was the last keeper of the Baby Cow. The Baby Cow’s stall was the second
from the end on the right, and had been since 1842, in a controversial move
by whichever distant relative was the Baby-Cow-Keeper at that time.
The cow was not fed raw silage or rough grain, nor was it allowed
to eat fresh grass from the field. Everyone in the town contributed
hay and short for feed, and the Baby Cow contributed warm,sweet milk
for every hungry baby. And every person in the town, from 1788-1962, was fed
from the Baby Cow, or the Baby Cow’s mother, grandmother, great-grandmother,
great-great-grandmother, and so on, together and again, amen.

“The end of an era,” people said when the Baby Cow, and FDR,
passed on. They lit a candle, said their prayers. It is a night for prayers:
both unanswered and unprayed. I want my unborn children to learn
all the things I have missed: the way to climb to the tallest trees and how to skip
rocks all the way across the pond (mine stop after two skips).
And how to whittle. I’ve always wanted to know how to whittle.
I will pray for these things as I sit by the riverbank.
Posted 5/18/2007 12:19 AM

{associated press.}

i read this lovely article and then let my mind wander,wander,wander. here are the words i thought:

violin. journalist. newsweek. constraints. jim carrey. jimmy stewart.
seriously. pillow. night. live. contrast. honor. ego.
cumulusclouds. slumber parties. kleenex. thermometer. locked. 15-year-promises. blueberries.
you. about. lemon-scented. dishwashing. love. practice. family&friends. forgiveness. europe. style. world. retail. rollerskates. wholesale. sidewalks. paintbrushes.
servant. freedom. comfort. citizens. truth. spectators. people. mundane. profound. awkward.
oil and vinegar. turtles. buttons. cones. blueprints. simplify. disciplined. grace. gospel truth. cicadas.
read. beauty. julia childs. toast. details. chords. skip. peanut butter. understated.
wellington. drawing. walrus. social justice. flamingo.



(i think that it's brainless
to assume that making changes
to your window's view will give
a new perspective.
blacking out the friction / death cab for cutie)

Posted 5/7/2007 12:42 AM

{ things that do not make sense. }

when i drive, i am a radio-flipper (especially as of late, when i brought my cds inside to put some of the newer ones on my computer and they havent made it back out yet.) that means i hear a lot of kinds of music, and also some really dumb lyrics. take this example:
this is why im hot. this is why, this is why, this is why im hot. im hot cause im fly; you ain't cause you not. this is why, this is why, this is why im hot.
tell me how this was made into a song. seriously. oh wait. i know how: the guys a poet. he rhymes hot and not. what talent.
and heres one: take a look at my girlfriend, shes the only one i got. shes not much of a girlfriend, but i never seem to get a lot. i love it when she calls my phone, she even got her very own ringtone. if that ain't love, i dont know what love is. who wrote this? is he married? has he ever met a girl?
this doesnt even begin to think about songs like "fergielicious." and "my humps" (i cant believe i forgot that one before. i hate that song.) ew.

new goal now that i have a job is to get out of debt. this is requiring me to spend time looking at money stuff and planning and stuff. this is overwhelmingly boring. not that i was never bored before this, like, say, in math class, but one would think that boring would end after school ended. also, i had to go to this meeting at work to learn how to work the new telephone system. it was totally boring and so i completely didnt pay attention though most of it. so i still dont know how to work the phones. and whenever i want to do something, i have to pull out the little instruction sheet. however, i resent being made to sit through the meeting, because i would have had a much more productive day actually working and the end result would be exactly the same, except i would have gotten some work done. someone explain to me how the business world makes any sense.
[ let no debt remian outstanding except the continuing debt to love one another. ]

its a little hard to believe about all the hurting in the world. its hard to see that a senior creative writing major shot and killed 30+ people. thats almost like me. well, except its really nothing like me, but i was a senior creative writing major not too long ago.
its hard to believe that when i got to last monday's morning meeting, i heard about 3 people who had committed suicide over the weekend. it was very sad. there is a lot of pain in the world. and a lot of hopelessness. and its hard to know that some of our oldest friends are hurting right now.
and i just wrote an article (which, unfortunately is not online yet) (and: i was happy with this article. i was funny and touching, if i do say so myself.) but i was basically just talking about visiting my grandparents. the point is, its hard to see them hurting, and unable to do things and discouraged. its hard to see my father sick (he threw up tonight. fortunately, i wasnt home when it happened, but, being the good daughter i am, i brought him 7up, and am staying far away.)

also, i have a really hard time trying to think about stuff sometimes. for example: i believe that we should be able to have guns. but then im like wait. not every idiot on the street should be able to get a gun. but then i think that if there were stricter punishements for crime and prisions were not basically daycamps, then that would help. and then i think but! the state shouldnt be that involved. anyway, its the families who should be taking care of their kids. and its the familys fault for letting their kids be dumb. so we should take away welfare, so the children have to be gainfully employed to eat, then they wouldnt have time to be running amok. but then i think that we ought to have compassion on those in need, so the idea of welfare isnt that bad (although the execution still needs some work). and theres more, but i forget it.
so i dont know what i think.

heres a story. one of the last days i was a sub, this kid comes up to me and asks me if i go to church. i said yes, and i asked him if he did and he said sometimes. but then he said "want to know how i knew that?" and i did, and he knew i went to church because i was wearing pearl earrings.
go figure.

(of course, there are lots of things that dont make sense. this is the slightest handful.)

i wonder if people think about me the way i think about them, sometimes. is my lack of punctuation annoying? do they get annoyed when i use excess words, or words that dont sound like me? do they wonder why im wearing two coats of mascara while im wondering why the heck they have on hot pink lipstick. i wonder if people actually think about the same sorts of things as me.
being real is a hard task indeed. learning stuff, doing stuff well, being funny, finding clothes to wear, and being disciplined= harder. being holy, loving people and forgiveness are very close to almost impossible. maybe. (but grace is offered.)
its nice to have someone to talk to about stuff. (i mean really talk about real stuff.) i have no idea why people dont to that more. and brownies cover a multitude of overwhelmities.

currently playing: deathcab for cutie // plans
Posted 4/22/2007 10:23 PM

{ things i have been doing }

1. traveling
actually, this was last week, as i didnt get to actually go anywhere for my real spring break this week. i went with my mother and sisters to see my grandparents in texas last week. it wasnt really a fun trip, but it was good to see them.
these are my questions: 1. why is gas so freaking expensive? it jumped 30ish cents in the past week. gross.
2. how come people and hotels dont think that details matter? i mean, really. how hard can it be to open the hotel-order-decorations-magazine and realize that something besides teal green and peach would be nice to decorate the rooms with? our new favorite hotels are the holiday inn express ones, just cause they feel the least like an eighties bridesmaid dress or dentist office in general. they have real pillows and nice big towels and showers and free breakfast and it doesnt look like a hotel. they have real art, even. props to them. but--why did it take so long for them to figure that out? and why doesnt everyone else figure it out? they would make more money that way, pretty sure.

2. music-ing
my cousin has unlimited downloads on napster for $15 a month or something ridiculous. and i dont really like napster (i think its unnecessarily complicated), but i managed to download lots of awesome new music when i was there (hopefully while i was at it, i expanded her taste from just justin timberlake and christina (dont judge too harshly, shes 14). (by the way, im always so disappointed in christitna agulara (sp?) because one time i watched this whole special all about how she studied opera and all this really really good music stuff and shes so, so talented, and shes just wasting it.) it has been quite the challange to get it to play on my computer, but i think i have it so i can at least play it, if nothing else.
(new favorite band from this venture: meese.)

3. cooking
somehow in texas i got put in charge of cooking.
i cant cook. goodness. but i learned, and everything was edible. i felt like izzy stevens though, cause there were sometimes i didnt know what to do to help my grandparents (who are getting very old, by the way) so instead i just baked cakes. and i am good at that. somehow, the one thing that i can manage to make very tastily is icing. mmmmmm. its good, if i do say so myself.
maybe if i keep cooking, ill be good at it, but im not getting my hopes up. and of course, its hard to say whether tasting good or getting done at the right time is more important. because im decent at getting everything done all together. it does suck to have your mashed potatoes be sitting there in front of you getting nice and cooled off while youre waiting for your steak to finish cooking. it also sucks to have to eat your whole meal and then have the rolls for dessert, cause someone forgot to put them in on time. so: on time i can do. yay.
and now its easter, so ill be baking cookies and bread all afternoon. and the cookies will have sprinkles, probably. God help us all.
(im not sure why sprinkles are so traumatic, but they are sometimes. i think it might have to do with the extra mess it produces.)

4. writing
trying to write this article right now.
im so out of practice! im having such a hard time. goodness.

5. eastering
we've been singing all the easter songs for good friday and such. we sang such a lovely latin-y version of o sacred head now wounded. i like songs that sound like that. they make me wish i was catholic almost--there is something majestic about liturgy. but its cool. also, i just like singing in that almost-opera way. one feels very refined and amused while doing so. and its just so wonderfully shiver-y.
my favorite moment of easter, hands down, (besides the obligatory but still true and lovely death and resurrection) is the curtain rip in the temple. its just so terrifying and mysterious and lovely and meaningful. mmm. i like it.
and its going to be so cold this easter! im going to have to wear my christmas dress instead of easter, so i dont freeze. like our poor tulips outside.

6. getting
a job! yes, i think im employed.
its with peoria rescue ministries (which include a homeless shelter for men, and women (but seperately) and all kinds of things. and i will be the public relations coordinator, eventually. first i get to just hang out and learn stuff with the current PR person before she and her husband move away to seminary. people keep asking me if im excited. and i am. but i think thats overwhelmed by 1) the relief that someone wanted to hire me and my education wasnt totally useless. and 2) nervous! im so nervous and scared. lots of responsibility here.
and i dont know what im doing. my minor was PR, but i only know about 5 minutes worth of it.
oh dear.
they already gave me an umbrella.
also, this job comes with rules. im not allowed to get married within the next 6 months. not sure why that is. but he said to me and i quote: "so, once the business manager comes back into town, you can fill out all the forms for taxes." and so on and so forth. and then, as i was leaving he was all like, "oh, and no getting married in the next six months! you know that, right?" (i said "dont worry sir, i dont think im in much danger of that." but i wonder why anyway.)
so. there it is.

7. shopping
and right after i start, i have to go to this formal dinner to see how to do it and the invitation says "dressy attire." can anyone explain what that means? its nicer than sunday clothes, but not black tie. what does that even constitute?! i have no idea. do any of you know? if you do, please tell me!
if you are male, count yourselves very blessed.
and again, i would be very, very happy to have the wardrobe possibilieies of jackie kennedy O. and lorelai gilmore.

there seems like theres more stuff (like sleepover-ing and reading and spring cleaning and stuff), but oh well.

i was in the grocery store yesterday and i told the wonderful grandmotherly lady with burgendy pink fingernails and lots of jewelry

happy easter.


she said
ohh, same to you, sweets.

(and i'll second that.)

Posted 4/7/2007 1:09 PM