what i want:

what i want right now is to stop feeling, and stop seeing and stop wondering and wishing. but i dont want to stop doing those things permenently. im not sure there is a way to have it both ways.

the morning and evening stars never meet, nor summer and spring. beauty has been my misfortune:
"The ordinary business of life must be attended to, but this thing carries a lot of weight in soul, mind, and heart. It has a strong pull. And when you are carrying a heavy weight, you have to compensate in order to keep your balance. The best means to spiritual equilibrium, I find, is to look repeatedly at the things which are not seen, that is, at things which are eternal. What Evelyn Underhill calls "the pressure of the Divine Charity" forever urges me forward, counteracting the pressure of my emotions and human desires, reminding me with great patience and great persistence that this thing--this love, this longing, this huge desire--is the very thing God Himself gave, in order that I might have "somewhat to offer." He will see to it that it does not come to nothing, provided we lay it before Him, put it at his disposal."

much of it i do not understand. but i am learning.
learning sucks.
have i mentioned that i am still eating ben&jerrys? except for when i found some cookies that were still edible at the boys house. they were only 2 months old. i ate them anyway and they were good.

: hard journey, uncomfortable resting place. whatever it is i have looked for is tiny, so tiny it can dance in the palm of my hand.

currently playing: the sexiest emoest cd ever. and its even named after me. yes.

Posted 2/11/2005 2:56 AM