nashville, session 1

just spent a weekend in nashville. i didnt go into any bars for more than 5 minutes, and i tried to avoid talking to scary strangers, and i didnt drink anything that i wasnt allowed too. i was a good kid, and i came back relatively unmugged and by that i mean i wasnt mugged at all. [ i had this theory where i think that if my room is clean, my life is probably very unorganized, but if my room is messy, there might be a chance that there is some semblence of order. not sure about that, though. i left my room a mess when i left this weekend and im not sure my life is organized. ]
but i might be scarred from the unhealthy dose of country music i heard. i mean, there is country music and then there is country music. this was, unfortunately, the latter. and i heard a bit too much of it. there were a million different live country bands within hearing distance at any given moment. and more belt buckles and cowboy hats than strictly desireable. fortunately, the really yummy icecream shop we stopped in played oldies, not country, and it was such a welcome change. we were all very very happy. [ i think im discovering that i dont have to be everything. i always always want to be capable and i certainly dont want to fail my junior year of college. but i forgot that i dont have to be the best person in the world at stuff. its ok to get a B. its ok to try new things and not be an expert at them. its ok to make mistakes sometimes because i am still learning. we had to wake up early so we could be somewhere at eight in the morning. we could have slept because most people just did that in the sessions anyway. but whatever. we were singing in one of these sessions. we sang lots of songs, but this line in one of those worship songs that ive sung too many times was worth remembering: come just as you are. [ i think i had this idea that tax collectors, prostitutes and mass murderers could come just as they were. but now that i was a christian i wasnt allowed to come just as i was anymore. suddenly, i had to be capable and/or perfect or something. which, of course, i am not capable of doing. and i really hate not being capable.
my wings dont sail me to the sky / on my own these wings wont fly / Jesus told me so / still-- not sure that i know ] i met this guy this weekend in Nashville who knew my old english professor which was really random. one thing this professor always said was that there are only nine basic plots in the world. at one time i could name them, but im not sure i can anymore. but that just means all the same stuff keeps happening over and over.
[ that means i do the same stupid stuff over and over, probably.
cant find no rest for my soul /cant find no rest on my own / Jesus told me so / still-- im not sure that i know... ]
one thing these journalism people said a million times was that "todays paper is tomorrows birdcage lining" [ that means life will go on [and it might even be good,] even though im not capable. i think it also means that i dont have to put on makeup or whatever to talk to Jesus. thats crazy. and im not sure how any of this stuff is all related or anything. but it all makes sense in my head. ]

Posted 10/11/2004 10:36 PM